


Conflict of Interest

by Slaskia



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Loyalty, Other, Transitioning, Trust Issues, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1476340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slaskia/pseuds/Slaskia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meda Mirroris, current Elder of a vakar sect, has doubts about going ahead with turning a turian named, Dakarus Kroisun.  Not because of his qualifications, but due to her own feelings toward him.  This conflict of interest may weaken her hold on the loyalty and trust the vakar under her have toward her.  Worse, there is one vakar among them, Etanus Mizarcus, whom appears to have his eyes on her position.  When Dakarus’ health takes a turn for the worse, it will take all of Meda’s strength and willpower to keep herself together…for even immortals have their moments of weakness and despair….</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_1875 CE, Old Marble Quarry outside of Appartius, Digeris_

Day 0 

She shouldn’t be awake yet. 

Meda stared at the rock ceiling above her as she lay in her bed, unable to fall back asleep.  In the rock she could see smaller veins of marble that were too small to be of use to the miners that once worked here, a few decades ago.  Not far from her position she could hear water flowing through a small canal that ran through part of her quarters.  This canal was made to divert water from a nearby underground river, to turn a water turbine that provided power for the equipment and work area and to supply the water needed to keep the mining equipment cool.  However, this same river was also the reason the mining operation here stopped:  the miners back then couldn’t risk quarrying any further without risking a flood.  Now this system was utilized by the sect. 

Vakar didn’t actually _need_ to drink water, as they received most of their required moisture from the blood they drank.  So it was mainly used to continue to provide power to the tube lights that ran throughout the sanctuary and for bathing and washing clothing and other things.  It was, however, used as an essential resource for when they were attempting to _convert_ a turian into a new vakar.  A process which was exact the reason why Meda was too anxious to fall back asleep again:  tonight, she was going to attempt to create a new vakar. 

_I have turned dozens of turians,_ she thought with a sigh.  _Why is this one worrying me so?_

Perhaps it was because this particular candidate was one she had been keeping an eye on since he was ten years old.

She remembered the night she met him, thirteen years ago:  she had been scrying with her mirror, looking for targets to feed on, when she saw the scene of a child being raped.  Unfortunately, the mirror that showed her the disgusting scene was dirty and partly broken, unsuitable for traveling through and Meda remembered how her heart was racing as she searched desperately for a mirror she _could_ use.  The closest one she found was about a block away and after passing through she ran as fast as she could to the location.

However she would be too late, the little girl she saw as dead and the bastard was about to kill another, the girl’s twin brother.  Meda had flown into a righteous fury, knocking the man away and sinking her fangs into his throat.  What she found in his blood only enraged her even more: the man was police chief, having used his authority and power to hide his hideous crimes.  Worse, he preyed mainly on orphaned and homeless, the ones least likely to be noticed missing.

After ending that bastard’s life, she had turned to comfort the surviving child, a boy named Dakarus Kroisun.  He had been frightened of her at first, which was not surprising considering what he had just witnessed.  She remembered when he finally accepted her open arms how much she apologized to him, apologizing for not saving his sister…for not being fast enough.  After spending some time comforting him, she took him to a police station that had non-vakar allies she was associated with and told them what happened.  She had wanted to give them the names of all the children that man had killed, but that bastard hadn’t bothered to learn most of them, so the best she could give the police was where to find where he had disposed of the bodies. 

Dakarus…she had to leave with the police, though Meda badly wanted to take him ‘home’ and take care of him herself.  She couldn’t do that though, for a vakar sect was no place for a normal turian child to live in and vakar do not turn children as a general rule.  What she could…and did…do though was visit him when she could, to give him comfort and the motherly love he so badly needed and deserved. 

She had hoped he would be adopted into a proper family, but that never happened.  Like so many older orphan children, he remained in the orphanage until he turned fifteen, when he joined the military as was turian custom.  She remembered how painful it was to see him go, feeling a taste of what normal turian parents felt when their children leave home to start their adult lives.  Meda wanted to continue to be there for him, but knew in her heart that it was time to let him face things on his own.  Still, she couldn’t help but keep watch on him through her mirror from time to time.  As the years passed, she started to see that Dakarus was not faring well. 

He had chosen to go the civic police route for his career, but was feeling too restricted on what he could do.  Dakarus also kept getting into trouble when he had to deal with cases involving child abuse and pedophiles, kept using ‘excessive force’ when dealing with such individuals.  It was clear to her that he felt certain criminals weren’t getting the punishment they really deserved.  

He was becoming a possible candidate for turning, but Meda didn’t even want to consider it.  By now, her motherly feelings toward him was staring to become something more, causing a potential conflict of interest.  She wanted him in her sect, but was that ‘want’ due to his eligibility, or her own feelings toward him?   

Then, one day, they came across each other and she found could not stop herself….

 

***

 

_“What’s going on here?”  Meda heard a voice say as she finished feeding on her target, a local drug dealer named Krisis Esthaen.  She let the man go, whom now slumped against the wall as he tried to not to faint from having a good deal of blood drained out of him, before turning toward the speaker._

_She recognized him immediately: how could she forget the young boy she saved years ago?  Only now this ‘boy’ was a grown man looking like he was about to draw his weapon on her.  “Easy now,” she said calmly.  “I’m on your side.”  Spirits, when did he get so handsome? she thought, feeling her heart jump.  Watching him from her mirror was one thing, but seeing him in person…._

_Dakarus visibly twitched, looking uncertain and confused at first.  “Miss Miroris?” he asked, hesitantly._

_“It is,” she confirmed, stepping more fully into the light.  “It’s been some time, hasn’t it, Dakarus?”_

_“Almost eight years,” he said, any hint of aggression that had been left in his posture was now gone.  “You haven’t changed a bit….”_

_She chuckled faintly at the remark.  If only he knew!  But then, perhaps it was time he ‘did’ know.  “My kind don’t age, Dakarus,” she said simply.  “But you, on the other hand, have aged very well.  You’ve become a handsome man.”_

_“Uh…thanks…,” Dakarus said, blushing faintly.  “But…what did you mean by ‘my kind’?”_

_“You have seen the hints of what I am, both here and in your past,” she said cryptically. ”I suggest trying to remember mythological creatures you learned about in school.”_

_It didn’t take him long to figure it out once she said that.  “A vakar,” he said, looking a bit awestruck.  “Turians that need to drink blood to live and serve turian society by going after the criminal element.”_

_“Very good, Dakarus.”_

_“But…vakar are supposed to be secretive.  Why are you revealing yourself to me?”_

_At that, she started circling him.  “I have been watching you, Dakarus,” she said softly.  “I know you are not happy with how things are going with your job.  I know you desire to be able to do more.”_

_His interest was obvious.  “You are offering me that ability?”_

_“A ‘chance’,” she clarified, stopping in front of him.  “For there are no guarantees.  Not everyone makes it as one of us.”_

_“Sounds like a test, maybe even an interview…spirits…I hate interviews.”_

_Meda laughed at that.  “Yes, it is a bit like that,” she said.  “However, there is much you need to know first, before a decision is made either way.  But not now, you have work to do…plus….”  Meda grabbed drug dealer by his arm, whom had only just started to become coherent enough to try to escape.  “I do believe your department has been looking for this man.”_

_“Why yes, indeed,” Dakarus said, narrowing his eyes.  “Krisis Esthaen, you are wanted for questioning in regards to a few overdose cases.”  The man was still too weak to resist, or even protest, so cuffing him was easy.  Once the man was secure, Dakar asked.  “How will I contact you for the…interview?”_

_“Don’t worry…,” Meda said slyly.  “I will come to you, like I did when you were a kid.”_

_“Oh yeah….” Dakarus seemed to clearly recall how much she tended to startle him when she showed up.  “Try not to give me a heart attack please.”_

_“No promises.”_

 

***

 

Over the following months she had visited him at his home, usually on his days off.  She started with the simple, common knowledge stuff first, testing his knowledge of vakar and receptiveness of what they do.  When she was satisfied with that, she went deeper, telling him things not so known about their kind and questioning him on what was considered a crime.  Some days she didn’t talk about vakar at all, but general, everyday things to test his mental state.  It was during those days, however, that she found herself fighting with her own feelings, realizing the dilemma she was putting herself into. 

She was getting too close to him, her feelings starting to cloud her judgment.  And yet, it was too late to back out now, to assign a different vakar to this task.  The foundations of trust was already built between them and she could tell that he would want no one else to turn him.  Trust was such a major factor in the turning process.  On top of that, was the worry about whether or not his desire to become a vakar really his own, or had she somehow steered him down this road?  Or if he died during the turning process, would she ever forgive herself? 

That had to be it, the reason she hadn’t been able to sleep well lately.  She had gotten so close to Dakarus that she feared she was putting him at needless risk.  The risk of death during a turning attempt was always there, no matter who it was, but her feelings for him was causing her worry, possibly needlessly.  After all, she _had_ don’t this many times and her last failure by death was over a century ago. 

_I need to temper my feelings,_ she thought as she got up, giving up on trying to go back to sleep.  _He chose this, he knows the risks.  I need to stop fretting like a rookie._   After putting on something suitable to wear for the night, she stepped out of her quarters and into the main gathering area of the sanctuary.  This area was large enough to hold thirty turians comfortably and currently there were nearly twenty vakar staying in this place.  Carved into the walls were various rooms that served as storage and bedrooms, the bedrooms being of various sizes.  The smallest, and most numerous, only had enough space for a bed and a dresser, while the larger ones could bed up to four vakar, though those were usually claimed by the higher ranking among them.  Meda, being the elder of the sect, of course had the largest room. 

The gathering room was quiet and pretty much empty, save for one other vakar that had guard duty.  There was always at least one vakar up at all times for security reasons and though their sanctuary had yet to be discovered, one could never be too cautious.  She was happy to see the vakar currently taking his turn at guard duty, Master Etanus Mizarcus, was not considering himself above this essential duty. 

“Greetings, Elder,” Etanus said, balancing a sizable glob of water on the tip of one talon.  “You are up early this day.  Trouble sleeping again?” 

“You noticed?”  Meda said tiredly. 

“Your usually endless patience has been a bit thin as of late,” he pointed out as he put the glob of water into a nearby bowl.  “It’s this upcoming turn attempt, isn’t it?”  Meda wordlessly nodded.  “It’s not like you to doubt your choice of candidate, Elder.” 

“I don’t doubt his suitability,” Meda corrected him.  “I fear I may be taking things a bit too…personal.” 

“Ah…that’s right:  this boy was the one you rescued years ago, wasn’t it?” 

“It is.” 

“I do remember how much it pained you that you couldn’t ‘officially’ raise him yourself,” Etanus said softly.  “Perhaps, you should let me do the turning?” 

She was already shaking her head before he had finished the question.  It wasn’t so much she doubted Etanus’ ability to succeed, as he had a few successful turns since he became a Master, but the fact that Dakarus has never met Etanus.  “We have already built up the foundation of trust between us for this, Mizarcus:  I doubt Dakarus would be willing to let another do this at this point.” 

“Ah, of course, you are right.”  He looked disappointed, but he thankfully let the matter drop. 

They talked a bit more to kill time, as Meda wasn’t to meet Dakarus at the designated location until after sunset.  As night time approached, more and more and vakar stirred and joined them in the gathering room.  They had a couple of _runovus_ :  vakar that either hadn’t discovered or were still learning to control their special powers, but most of the sect were _aretemus_ , or vakar that had learned how to control their powers.  Above them in tier, aside from Etanus, they had one other Master, Tusmu Shintus, whom was fairly new to the position.  Due to the size of the sect, they also had a Lord whom served as a second-in-command: that position was currently held by Nopha Meinis.  However, Nopha was currently out on a trip, as she loved to visit different planets and space travel was a risk venture due to how hard it was for a vakar to keep themselves fed.  Meda hoped Nopha made it back safely and without incident. 

Finally, it came time to leave the sect’s sanctuary and head to the rendezvous point she and Dakarus agreed upon a few days ago.  She felt a spike of anxiety as she approached the location: a small clearing in the local forest a couple miles from the sanctuary.  Anxiety that only grew when she saw that Dakarus wasn’t there.  It continued to grow as she waited with no sign of him approaching:  did he have a change of heart at the last moment?  Did something else happen?  It was times like this she wondered if Etanus was right about _modernizing_ a bit and allowing the use of at least cellphones. 

“Evening, Miss Miroris.” 

Meda nearly jumped out of her skin: her preoccupation with worrying had kept her from hearing his approach.  How embarrassing, for a vakar of her age…. 

“Dakarus,” she said, quickly regaining her composure:  Dakarus was standing almost right next to her, wearing causal clothing and carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder.  “Really, now, giving an old woman like me such a start.” 

“If I didn’t know any better I’d protest the ‘old’ part,” Dakar said with a smile, his silver eyes practically glowing in the moonlight.  “I apologize for being late:  the individual I was selling my personal vehicle to wanted to ‘renegotiate’ the selling price.  Pfft…cheapskate.” 

“You are here now, that is what matters,” Meda said.  “Are you ready?” 

At this, Dakarus gave a long sigh.  “As can be,” he said softly.  “Where do we need to go?” 

“Not far.  Follow me,” she said as she gestured in the appropriate direction. “In case we get separated:  do you know about the old marble quarry in this area?” 

“I believe I remember seeing it on the map,” Dakarus said as they got on their way.  “I heard that place was huge…” 

“It is, but we don’t use even a fourth of it,” Meda said.  “We live simply, so there is no need to claim so much space.” 

“Which in turn helps keep you safe from the overly curious or otherwise.” 

“Indeed.”  After a moment of silence, she asked.  “Feeling nervous?” 

“A bit…I mean...not everyone gets to go through a literal _life altering_ process, after all.” 

_Provided things don’t go wrong,_ Meda thought to herself, feeling those doubts rise up again.  She quickly squashed those feelings, however, as she couldn’t look unconfident in front of him at this critical time.  “It’s completely natural to feel that way,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her lingering doubts.  “I’ve done this many times, so the risk of failure should be low.” 

“’Should’?” 

“Even with my experience, I can still make mistakes,” she replied honestly.  “Just because I’m practically immortal doesn’t mean I am _infallible_.  Not to mention everyone reacts a little differently to the process.” 

“I see.” 

“But I am sure everything will be fine.” 

“I hope so, I don’t know what I’d do if I survive but not turn.  Seeing I’ve already cut all ties to my soon to be old life, sold my car and apartment….” 

“We will worry about that if it comes to it,” Meda reassured him softly.  “I’m surprised you’re not more worried about the risk of death part.” 

“I look at it this way: if I die, I’ll be with my sister again.” 

Meda felt her mouth gape open in surprise briefly, then smiled, feeling thankful that he was fully resigned to that possibility.  It was also sad, however, that even after all this time, he still missed his twin so terribly.  She honestly couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so she focused on the journey. 

“Miss Miroris.”  Dakarus spoke up a bit later, as they were nearing their destination. 

“Yes, Dakarus?” 

“Do you…ever regret what you have become?” 

It was a good question, one she wished more candidates would ask.  “Sometimes,” she admitted.  “Once in a while, I wish I could have had a family before I chose to become a vakar, but then I would remind myself that it would have just caused more difficulties, complications.  Those left behind would have wondered where I went, possibly even moved the earth and sky to try to find me.  Plus it would have been wrong to leave growing children without a mother.” 

“Couldn’t you have waited until they were grown?” 

“By then I likely would no longer be _eligible_.” 

“Ah…right, the physical health requirement.  And from what you told me, once you become a vakar you can’t have kids anyway.  Ever consider adoption?” 

“Yes….” she sighed, but not out of annoyance: her sigh was more akin to regret.  “But I knew it would have just caused confusion, not only for myself and the child, but for society as the child grew.  The child would age, but the parent would not.” 

“Ah that’s right…by the time the kid became an adult, the parent would look more like an older sibling than a parent.”  There was a brief pause before he asked.  “So how do you deal with those regrets?” 

“I remind myself the good I have done since becoming a vakar,” Meda replied.  “That I did this for turian society, not myself.”  Much like turians, vakar value working for the whole over the individual.  It was something they held onto from when they were turians, honestly, and helped to prevent vakar from wanting more power.  Unfortunately, such selfish vakar did exist.  “Besides, I get my ‘mothering’ needs from dealing with new vakar,” she added with a smile.  “Sometimes, they can be quite a handful.” 

“How so?” 

“The need for frequent feedings, the teething and some even have temper tantrums.” 

Looking at him, she could see a look of horror on Dakarus’ face.  “I’m not going to revert to a two-year old, am I?” he asked. 

She couldn’t help it, she laughed.  “As I said, my dear: everyone reacts differently to the process,” she said.  “We’ll have to wait and see how you handle it.  Ah, we are here.” 

Meda paused in front of the entrance to the old marble quarry to give Dakarus a chance to take it in.  It was starting to be reclaimed by nature, the walls having the beginnings of natural vine growth and other planet life that can grow on rock faces.  The entrance itself was a gaping maw large enough to fight two mining trucks width wise side by side, or wide enough for six turians to walk side by side comfortably, with another turian sitting on their shoulders and still have plenty of head room.  Beyond that, little could be seen but darkness. 

“No lights?” Dakarus asked, his tone more of curiosity, not intimidation. 

“Lights would draw unwanted attention,” Meda said.  “We navigate by what little natural light there is and memory.  Here.”  She offered a part of her robe.  “Hold on to this: I will guide us though.” 

Once she was certain he had a firm grip, she entered the quarry.  It was only a couple hundred yards to the door of the sanctuary itself, but she knew it will feel like an eternity to someone not used to traveling in near perfect darkness.  Dakarus was quiet for most of the way, until, a couple of turns later, they saw a light in the darkness.  The source of the light was a dimly lit old fashioned oil lamp that served as a beacon for those returning to the sanctuary. 

It also meant that Dakarus was nearing the point of no return.


	2. Chapter 2

“We are here,” Meda said, gesturing toward the lamp. 

“We are?”  Dakarus said, looking at the lamp and the wall behind it with confusion.  “But I don’t see anything but a wall….” 

“Things are not always what they seem to be, my dear Dakarus,” Meda said with a smile as she approached the wall and knocked, making an obvious hollow sound.  A moment later, the ‘wall’ opened, revealing Etanus on the other side. 

“Welcome home, Elder,” Etanus said, bowing slightly, before stepping aside to let them in.  He then looked over at Dakarus, whom gave him a wary look as he passed.  “This must be our new candidate.” 

“He is,” Meda confirmed.  “This is Dakarus Kroisun.  Dakarus, this is Master Etanus Mizarcus:  he will be one of your caretakers once the process has started.” 

“Hello, Mister Mizarcus,” Dakarus said. 

“ _Master_ Mizarcus,” Etanus corrected, a brief scowl flashing across his face as he closed the door.  “Always address your seniors by their title and codename.” 

“My apologies, Master Mizarcus….” 

“He’s not yet a vakar, Mizarcus,” Meda reminded him.  “No need to be so harsh on greeting etiquette just yet.” 

At that Etanus snorted.  “The earlier we start the better, in my opinion.” 

“Assure you it is not needed:  Dakarus is a quick learner.  Now….”  Meda looked around and saw to her dismay that most of the other vakar were still present.  “Why aren’t most of you out on your hunts?” 

“They wanted to see the new potential before you isolate him:  I saw no reason to force them to leave,” Etanus responded. 

Meda growled faintly at the explanation.  She didn’t fault them for being curious, as all vakar were curious to some degree, though some were obsessively so.  However, there was a fine line between satisfying that curiosity and being irresponsible, even reckless.  “What is more important, Mizarcus?” she asked with a faint scowl, briefly exposing more of her fangs.  “Doing our duty, or seeing the new candidate?” 

At this, Etanus paled.  “Our duty, Elder,” he said, turning his head away, looking embarrassed. 

“You heard him,” Meda said, glaring at the other vakar.  “Go do your duty before the night grows too old to find a meal!” 

At those words, nearly half the vakar quickly filed out of the sanctuary, though many paused briefly to get a closer look at Dakarus, whom seemed a bit overwhelmed by the number of them.  “Do not forget dispersion protocols!”  Etanus called out after them, no doubt to try to save a little face. 

“I didn’t think there would be so many of you in one place,” Dakarus said once the door was shut again. 

“Our sect size is dependent on the number of potential targets,” Meda explained as she led him deeper into the sanctuary.  The vakar that didn’t need to hunt were going about their usual routines, mainly cleaning and assisting the younger vakar in whatever they needed, though a couple did study Dakarus for a moment before returning to what they were doing.  “Since we have claimed part of the capital city as our territory, we can afford to have more members.  Still, unless something happens, you will likely be the last turn for some time.” 

“If I turn,” Dakarus said softly.  “You said you only claimed part of the city though:  does that mean….” 

“Yes, some other parts of the city have been claimed by other sects.  We are currently the largest, however, so our place here is secure.” 

“So the other sects can be a threat?” 

“Usually only the ones that are not _settled_.”  Meda said as she pushed back the curtain that served as the door to her quarters.  “There have been times when sects were forced to seek a new territory for one reason or another.  Most of the time when they realize they have intruded on a claimed territory they will willingly move on elsewhere.  However, if the intruders realize the controlling sect is weak in some way….” 

“They try to take it over,” Dakarus correctly guessed as he looked around the new room.  “Does it always result in bloodshed?” 

“Not always,” Meda said as she closed the curtain again.  “Sometimes the two sects agree to merge.  Put your bag down over here, Dakarus.” 

She watched as he put his bag down as she directed, then straightened up and looked at her with a ‘what now’ expression on his face.  Meda mentally sighed, preparing herself for what was to come next and a small part of her wanted to turn him away, to not risk his life.  However, he had chosen to come this far…. 

“Listen and listen well, Dakarus Kroisun,” she began.  “I have observed you, tested you and deemed you fit to take the chance at becoming one of us.  I have made it clear from the outset that you had a choice:  you could have told me at any time that you did not want this and I would have honored it.  You chose to come this far, but now I must warn you, that you are about to reach the point of no return.  I say this, because once the process starts, it cannot be stopped.  You must see it to the end.  Whether you turn or not, live or die.” 

She stepped closer to him as she continued.  “If you choose to continue, you will soon experience intense fevers, bouts of pain, chills, hot flashes and even hallucinations.  Your life will hang by a single fragile thread most of the way.  I, and the others, will not be able to help you, aside from comfort, words of encouragement and occasional drinks of water:  this will be a trial you must undertake on your own.  But like I said, you must choose this.” 

Now she reached out and placed a hand on the side of his face.  “There is still time to return to your old life, Dakarus,” she said softly, a part of her hoping he would.  “You do not have to put yourself though this.  It is not too late to change your mind.  Do you still want to do through with this?” 

“I do,” Dakarus replied with almost no hesitation.  “For much of my life, I struggled to find a place where I belonged and to make a real difference.  I couldn’t find it among _proper_ turians and jobs, with their rigid social structure and laws.  Do you know how I felt when I first walked into this place?” 

“What is that, Dakarus?” 

“I….”  Dakar looked at her with a smile, his mandibles trembling with joy.  “I felt for the first time I had come _home_.” 

Meda felt a bit stunned by the revelation, but she returned the smile as she backed away once more.  “It is not your home yet, Dakarus,” she said.  “But let us see if we can ensure that it _becomes_ your home.  Take off your shirt, please.”  Once he had done so, she said.  “One last thing before we start and it’s very important: the oath.  Do you, Dakarus Kroisun, no matter what happens from this point forward, swear to keep our secrets and our existence, out of the hands that do not need to know to the best of your ability?” 

“I do,” Dakarus replied eagerly. 

“Very good.  Now we may start the true test.”  

“Wait, I thought there would more to the oath thing,” Dakarus asked, looking confused. 

“There is, but you need to successfully turn first before they can be applicable.” 

“Oh, that makes sense.” 

“Any other questions?” 

“No, Elder.” 

She smiled at how he addressed her:  he was indeed a quick learner.  However she was also pained, as soon, their relationship, their bond, will go no further than that of a mother and child, a leader and subordinate.  He would never be an equal, someone she could truly show love toward.  Having another vakar that was ‘unrelated’ do this would negate that somewhat, but while she did have one such vakar in this sect, Etanus, it was clear from their first meeting Dakarus didn’t trust him and trust was so important with this.  No, being a mother, a leader, to him will have to be enough.  It _must_ be enough. 

Knowing that any hesitation on her part would make him start questioning her resolve, she gripped him by both shoulders.  “For this next part, you must trust me,” she said.  “I will need to drink your blood, to the point where you start to feel faint.  You can assist me by telling me when you reach that point, understood?” 

“I understand.”  There was a hint of nervousness in his voice, but who wouldn’t be knowing what was about to happen?  Spirits, being this close to him, she could smell his scent, see every detail on his half-naked body.  Every dark warm grey plate was practically begging her to touch it, the temptation to trace a talon over his gold colony markings was so strong and she felt she could just stare into his silver eyes forever.  She was so close to just forgetting about the turning business and just take him to bed with her. 

_I am being selfish,_ she told herself.  _Remember my duty…remember what **he** wants.  I need to focus._  

Meda focused on the task at hand and the gnawing hunger in her belly as she leaned forward and started licking the base of his neck.  She felt Dakarus tense briefly under her grip, before resting his chin on her shoulder.  Only once she felt her salvia had done its job of numbing the area, did she bite and start taking in his blood.  He was such a good boy:  he barely even flinched at that, though the numbing likely helped. 

Then came his memories. 

He had told her a few times before how he felt lonely, out of place: now she could _see_ and _feel_ it for herself though _minushin_.  She saw how awkward he felt at social events, wanting to join in but being largely ignored.  There were a couple of times a woman seemed to be interested him, but it would turn out all she wanted was ‘de-stress sex’, leaving him heartbroken and lonely in the morning.  Then there was the frustration with this job.  Too many times, the criminals he caught would be either let go due to ‘lack of evidence’ or not be punished harshly enough in his opinion.  It kept getting him into trouble with his superiors and colleagues, leaving him feeling more and more isolated. 

_Isolated, I know that feeling all too well,_ Meda thought.  She had plenty of friends, _equals_ , during her time as a younger vakar.  However, as she rose in the ranks, if only by necessity, not by want, she felt more and more lonely.  She never felt _comfortable_ discussing small things with those below her, let alone her worries and concerns, as she feared her subordinates would think less of her if she showed such _weakness_.  The only exception was Lord Nophia Meinis, as they had been friends since they were both _runovus_ , but she still felt awkward even with her.  A leader had to have the confidence of those below them, especially those close to them:  if they didn’t, they may leave, or worse, stage a mutiny. 

Being a leader, was often a lonely business…. 

“El-Elder…,” Dakarus’ voice broke into her thoughts.  “I’m….” 

He didn’t need to say anything more.  Meda stopped drinking and pulled her fangs from his neck:  she gave the wound a couple of quick licks to ensure it will heal properly.  She would have stepped back, but from how heavily Dakarus was leaning into her, that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.  Instead, she steered him toward her bed and had him sit upon it.  “Focus on staying conscious,” she said.  “You need to be awake for the next part.” 

Dakarus nodded and she watched as he put his head between his legs to help get more blood to his head.  It seemed to help, as his voice was steadier the next time he spoke.  “What is next, Elder?” 

“You will need to drink my blood,” Meda said as she turned away, taking off her outer garment and setting it the beds headboard. 

“Heh, should have guessed that, considering what I’m trying to become.” 

“You’d be surprised at how many guess wrong when trying to figure this out on their own.”  By how she had taken off her upper undergarment, revealing her pale body plates to him for the first time.  She caught herself wondering what he thought of her appearance and had to resist the temptation to look back at him to find out.  Meda forced herself to focus on preparing his ‘drink’ and for that she needed some helpful items she kept a supply of in her dresser.  A thick rubber cord, a sterile IV needle complete with attached tubing and a clean glass of the size she felt was appropriate for Dakarus. 

“How much will I need to drink?” Dakarus asked. 

“It can be difficult to gauge,” she said as she tied a thick rubber cord around her upper arm.  “Everyone is different and it can be tricky to get it right.  If I don’t, the process will fail.” 

“I have faith in you, Elder.” 

It was comforting to hear him say that.  In fact, it helped her focus on what needed to be done.  This part of the process was a delicate balancing act where she had to take into account Dakarus’ body shape and weight.  Too much and it will kill him, but too little and not only will he fail to turn, he would have forever lost the opportunity to become a vakar.  She _had_ to get it right, like she had many times before.  Otherwise, she may never forgive herself. 

She winced when she inserted the IV needle into her arm, making sure she hit a major blood vessel.  Meda pinched part of the tubing to keep the blood from flowing out until she had the open end in the glass.  Then she released her hold and watched as a steady flow of her blood started to fill the glass.  When the flow started to slow, she undid the rubber cord. 

As she waited, her mind drifted a bit too how the vakar that turned her did this.  He had her take the blood directly from an open wound on his neck, a method she realized was rather risky.  Since measuring how much the candidate drinks was important, drinking directly from the wound would have made that very difficult to gauge.  She was lucky:  many others were not so lucky.  So she devised a way to increase the odds of success and from her track record, it was a good one.  She had hoped her technique would be used by the other vakar old enough to turn people, but so far, they had opted for the ‘traditional’ ways. 

The glass was full, so she stopped the flow and pulled out the needle, wincing once more as she did so, and tossed it into a waste bin for later disposal.  She was still bleeding a little from the small wound, but that will heal up in a moment or so thanks to the regeneration abilities all vakar had.  Meda didn’t bother redressing as she picked up the glass and returned to Dakarus.  “Here,” she said as she handed him the glass.  “You will need to drink all of this.” 

Dakarus blinked at the glass as he accepted it, looking rather surprised.  “This is more than what I was expecting,” he admitted as she sat down beside him.  “I’ll do my best.” 

“Never tasted blood before?”  she asked. 

“I have, once, when some asshole punched me in the face during boot camp.  Not the taste that bothers me but the _amount_.” 

_Perhaps that’s why so many prefer the ‘traditional’ way,_ Meda mused as Dakarus tentatively started to drink.  When taking the blood directly from a wound, the candidate had little to no concept of how much they were taking in.  Plus they were taking the blood in ‘spurts’ as they had to lap it up with their tongues, since they lacked the fangs specially designed to suck the blood out.  Here, not only was there the visual confirmation on how much they were drinking but there were no real ‘breaks’ from the taste.  Granted, not being bothered by the taste of blood was pretty much a _requirement_ to succeed in being a vakar. 

So far though, Dakarus was handling it fairly well, having drank half the glass so far.  _This is the true point of no return,_ Meda thought as she watched him take a brief break before continuing.  _There is no turning back now…spirits…I hope this is the right thing to do for you._  

“Awo…,” he said with a faint cough as he finished.  “That was rough…but I managed.” 

“And you did it quicker than other’s I’ve watched,” Meda said with a smile, patting him on the back. 

“So…what now?” 

“Now…,” Meda sighed.  “You rest and wait.  For the next week, your body will be fighting against turning into a vakar.” 

“Something like fighting the flu, from what you told me before…,” Dakarus said as she helped him to his feet. 

“I’m afraid it will likely be worse than that, Dakarus,” Meda warned as she put her clothing back on.  “I will be blunt:  there will likely come a point that you will want to give up and just die.” 

“Shit….” 

“This will be the greatest test of your will and endurance.  If you want to give yourself the best chance of making it through, remind yourself of why you are doing this.  Cling to it like nothing else matters.” 

“I…I will do my best, Elder.” 

“That is all I can ask of you.  Come.”  She gently started to lead him out of her quarters.  Once in the gathering room, she took him to a spare, empty small bedroom that was close to her own quarters.  “This is where you will stay during this time,” she said as she helped him into the bed.  “If you need anything, you call for myself, Master Mizarcus, or Master Shintus: one of us will always be available.  Understood?” 

“Understood, Elder.” 

“Rest now, Dakarus…and good luck.” 

Meda returned to her quarters and leaned against a wall, her body suddenly starting to tremble.  It was out of her hands, out of her control, what Dakarus’ fate will be now.  All she can do now is wait.  In honesty, she wasn’t sure who was going through the bigger trial:  Dakarus…or herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Day 1

 

Meda checked on him a few times that night and really the only difference was that Dakarus was suffering from boredom.  It wasn’t long though that he had fallen asleep, as he wasn’t used to staying up all night.  Meda felt a bit of jealousy that he was sleeping so easily, especially once it came time for her to turn in.  Not only did she have a hard time falling asleep, but she kept waking up throughout the day.  It left her feeling a bit tired the next night. 

“You’re looking tired tonight, Elder,” Dakarus commented when she came to check on him.  He was laying on his back with his hands behind his head.  “Didn’t sleep well?” 

Meda shook her head. “Even vakar are not immune from sleepless nights,” she said with a sigh.  “How are you feeling?” 

“Hungry.” Came the blunt answer.  “But I’m not allowed to eat anything so…I’ll have to deal with it.” 

“You _are_ allowed water, you know.” 

“Yeah, but I have a feeling I’m going to get sick of water by the end of this,” he said with a sigh.  “So I’d rather not overdue it on the water right now.” 

“Still, I’ll make sure a pincher of water and a glass is available for you at all times,” Meda said as she felt his forehead.  “You’ll want to stay hydrated, especially once the fever kicks in.” 

“When should that start?” 

“Anytime now.” 

“Lovely.”  After a pause, he asked.  “Question: I noticed there were no... _facilities_ …in here, so where do you guys go to…you know?” 

“Believe it or not, we rarely need to _relieve_ ourselves,” Meda said.  “For the rare times we do, and for individuals like yourself, we use a rather _primitive_ alternative.” 

“Oh no….” Dakarus made a show of covering his face with his arm.  “Don’t tell me….” 

“Yes, hun.” Meda had to fight back a giggle at his reaction.  “We use _buckets_.” 

“I hate to be the one assigned to uh… _disposing_ the result.” 

“We take turns, it’s only fair.” 

“Still foul.” 

“Has to be done.” 

“True…oh spirits!”  Dakarus suddenly exclaimed, both hands covering his face. 

“What?”  Meda said, her heart skipping a beat.  Did the process started to hit him hard already? 

“The _mental_ image I just got!”  Dakarus explained, moaning.  “Do.  Not.  Want.  Where’s the brain cleaner?” 

She stared at him for a moment, blinking, then burst out laughing.  It was a very welcome relief from the anxiety and stress she’d been under and she spent the rest of the night feeling a bit more upbeat. 

However, when she checked on him before turning in, she could tell he was starting to feel it.  He was asleep then, but she see he was slightly paler than before.  Dakarus was also twitching a bit as he slept and when she felt his forehead she could feel the fever.  The only sign of comfort was the fact that Dakarus had indeed drank a lot of water, going by how much water was left in the pincher on the nearby dresser.  She refilled the pincher for him before going to bed, no longer feeling upbeat. 

It would turn out to be another day where she got little sleep.

 

Day 2

 

“Morning, Elder,” Etanus greeted her when she finally emerged from her quarters, a couple hours later than usual.  “Tried to get more sleep I take it?” 

“And failed…,” Meda said with a yawn.  “How is he doing?” 

Etanus looked in the direction of Dakarus’ room.  “Quiet.  He’s holding out well so far, but I worry about his fever: it is already pretty high.  I got some soaked rags and put him on his head and neck to help try to control it.” 

Meda nodded, not liking the news that the fever went so high so quickly.  However, she was also comforted that Etanus was doing his part to try to ensure Dakarus was as comfortable as possible without damaging his chances of a successful turn.  “Is he awake?” she asked. 

“I think so, but I doubt he’s in a talkative mood,” Etanus said.  “You should go hunt, Elder:  it’s your feeding night and you did get up late.” 

“I’m not hungry,” she said softly as she went into Dakarus’ room.  That was only partly true: she did feel a _little_ hungry, but she was too worried about Dakarus to really take notice of it.  She was also ignoring the look of disapproval on Etanus’ face. 

“Hey, Elder,” Dakarus greeted her, his voice sounding notably weaker than yesterday.  “Get any sleep?” 

“Not much,” Meda admitted softly as she checked the rags Etanus put on him:  they were both very warm.  “You?”  she asked as she resoaked the rags in a basin of water Etanus had left in the room for this purpose before putting them back on Dakarus. 

“I slept OK,” he said.  “Don’t know if I’ll be getting much rest if this gets worse though.” 

_It will_ , Meda thought with a faint frown.  “Do the best you can:  rest will be your greatest ally here.  Have you been drinking your water?” 

“Once in a while:  did have to take a piss earlier…in a bucket.”  He then added with a smirk.  “I could tell Master Mizarcus wasn’t too pleased with the thought of disposing it.” 

Meda managed a smile.  “Unfortunately, some vakar don’t like being _reminded_ about the less…pleasant things we had to do before becoming vakar.   Mizarcus is one of those that doesn’t miss needing to use the restroom…even if he does have cravings for steak once in a while.” 

“I heard that,” Etanus grumbled from outside. 

“Oh, that’s right…I won’t be able to eat solid food after this, will I?” Dakarus asked. 

“Technically you _can_ ,” Meda clarified.  “Just that…hmm…how to explain this.  Well, one it will do nothing for you.  Two, it will just pass through your system without being digested at all, or at least try to:  most of the time it will get ‘stuck’ somewhere for a while.” 

“You know…it’s a good thing I’m not allowed to _eat_ anything…as I just lost my appetite.” 

She giggled lightly.  “Perhaps we should stop having conversations that relate to food and the results of it.” 

“Yeah…good idea.” 

Meda opted to leave him be so he could focus on resting.  When she exited the room, she saw Etanus standing in front of her with his arms folded, a very serious ‘go hunt’ look on his face.  With a sigh she relented, heading out of the sanctuary to go find a quick meal despite her heart not really being into it. 

Unfortunately the streets of Apparitus were rather quiet this night, so it took her awhile to find a suitable target.  Or rather, the target found her: a shady individual that started to follow her a couple hours into her search.  However, she couldn’t attack the person just yet, as there was no crime in simply following someone.  She needed to bait the person to act, which was as simple as turning down an alley. 

“Bad choice miss,” the familiar flanging of a male turian said.  “If you had just kept going the way you were I would have given up.  But you stupidly turned down not only a dark alley, but a dead end one.” 

“Ah dear, so much for taking a short cut,” Meda said calmly before turning toward the man, thankful it was a turian: none of the current client species were palpable, due to their levo blood. “I suppose you want some kind of payment to let me back out.”  

The man seemed amused.  “Seems you do have at least a dim bulb lit in there somewhere:  most start begging, or try to make run for it.  A nice change of pace, if not as _exciting_.” 

“So what do you want?” Meda insisted.  “I need to get home.” 

“Impatient are we?” the man laughed.  “Just for that I think I’ll take my time with you.”  He took out a knife and advanced on her, Meda standing her ground.  “You look nice enough, if not a bit old fashioned in the taste of clothing.  Take off your clothes so I can get a look at you to see if my cock would be satisfied, cooperate and I won’t hurt you…much.” 

‘I think not…,” Meda said, her tone deadly as she suddenly sprang at him, having heard enough.  Unlike most vakar, she had no offensive or defensive special abilities: her powers were observation and transportation based.  Therefore, she had to rely on normal combat training like any turian and with well over a thousand years’ worth of fighting experience, she was more than a match for most. 

Still, this man was no slouch, as he was able to keep her at bay for a moment with his knife.  Only a moment though, as she quickly disarmed him and slammed him into the wall, briefly stunning him.  Quickly, she undid the clasps that held his shirt closed, but before she could bite, she felt a pain in her side.  Glancing down she saw the man had drawn a second knife and had managed to stab her in her right side. 

“Should’ve just let me have fun with you,” the man growled as he pulled out the blade.  “I would have let you go in one piece…but now….” 

“Aw, now you ruined my favorite shirt,” Meda interrupted, reaching down and twisting his wrist so that he dropped the blade.  “And now I will have to take more from you than I planned on.” 

“What the hell are you talking about, bitch?” 

In response she head butted him, dazing him long enough she could get her bite in.  She made sure to pin both arms to the wall, in case he had any more hidden knives.  From what she read in his blood as she drank, he did indeed have two, smaller knives on his person.  She also learned that he did this occasionally for the fun of it, not caring how much it traumatized his victim.  He hadn’t killed anyone…yet: with someone like him, it was only a matter of time. 

“I suggest you find a new _hobby_ ,” she told him after she was done, letting him slide down the wall.  “Else next time we meet I may not let you live.” 

The man groaned wordlessly, obviously too light headed to respond.  Whether he comprehended her warning or not, would remain to be seen.  Either way, she was done here, so she headed back to the sanctuary. 

“Elder, you are wounded,” one of the other vakar said when she came in. 

“My target had a fondness for blades,” Meda said.  “Do not worry: it is already healed.” 

“Still, it is not like you to be so careless,” Etanus pointed out.  “If it had been your heart that was struck….” 

“I do not need to be reminded, Mizarcus,” Meda said, glaring at him.  A blow to the heart was just as fatal to them as it was a normal turian, as even their regeneration abilities were not fast to enough heal such a wound before too much blood was lost.  “Even I make mistakes, bad calls.”  _Being sleep deprived doesn’t enough either,_ she thought as she went to Dakarus’ room. 

Dakarus was asleep, though Meda could see his sleep was fitful by how much he was twitching.  She checked the rags and when she found that they were starting to get warm, she refreshed them.  Seeing it was a couple of hours before sunrise, she decided to turn in early. 

It seemed that those days of little sleep finally caught up to her, as she actually did, finally, get nearly a full day’s sleep….

 

Day 3

 

Meda woke up the next night feeling fully rested for the first time in days.  Now she not only had more energy, but a clearer head, so chances of making risky mistakes like last night were lower.  Pity it wasn’t her night to hunt.  After dressing, she headed out into the gathering room, where Etanus greeted as usual. 

“Morning, Elder,” the Master said.  “I see you are feeling more refreshed for once.” 

“Indeed,” Meda replied.  “First full day’s sleep in days.” 

“Hopefully that will continue:  we need you at your strongest.”  

There was something in his tone she didn’t like.  “Is something wrong?” she asked, feeling her body tense as a spike of anxiety shot through her.  “It’s not Dakarus is it?” 

“No, he’s going through chills and hot flashes today, but seems to be holding strong,” Etanus said, shaking his head. “He’s fine for now.” 

She felt herself relax a bit.  “Then?” 

Etanus sighed deeply.  “I got word last night that pirates had attacked a transport ship traveling to this planet, but I do not know if it was the one Lord Meinis was on.” 

_Nopha?  No…,_ she thought.  If Nopha was truly lost, then Meda had no one to confide in on personal matters, save for the two Masters.  Of them, Master Tusmu Shintus was too new to his rank, so that left Etanus as most eligible to be replace her.  In all honesty, while Etanus was a capable Master, she felt he wasn’t ready for the additional responsibilities of a Lord.  “Why wasn’t I informed of this last night?” she asked. 

“I received this news after you turned in, Elder,” Etanus explained.  “Seeing I had no confirmation on Lord Meinis fate, I felt waking you when you so badly needed sleep would have done you more harm than good.”  After a brief pause he added bitterly. “Of course, I could _have_ confirmation by now if you would allow….” 

“You know my stance on such devices, Mizarcus,” Meda snarled, knowing exactly what he was going to say, as it was an argument they had gotten into a few times before.  “Cellphones, computers…anything that can connect to public networks would risk our sanctuary being detected.” 

“I believe you worry needlessly about that, but whatever you say,” Etanus said, growling faintly.  “I’ll take my leave: I try to find more information on that transport during my hunt.” 

Meda nodded and watched as he left, releasing the breath she had been holding in a long sigh after he was out of sight.  In truth, _modernizing_ the sect was probably long overdue, but doing so was a much lower priority than keeping her sect safe.  She had seen the effects of such technology on other sects in her long life and many times it led other sects to near ruin, as the vakar became so obsessed with the information that technology provided that they forgot their duty.  That, or they got careless and got themselves detected and whether turians will want to exterminate the ‘blood drinking vigilantes’ or not was very hit and miss.  Which was why, if Meda ever did decide to go ahead allowing such things, she will make a very slow transition, to ensure every vakar in the sect treated the devices responsibly. 

That was something to think over for another time however, and while she did worry about Nopha, she knew there was no way she could help her if she was indeed in trouble.  For now, she had to focus on Dakarus and his trial, so with a sigh she entered his room to see how he was faring.  Right now it seemed he was going through a hot flash, as he had kicked off his bed sheets.  He also seemed to be having some type of pain, as he was laid straight out and looked uncomfortable.  “Evening, Dakarus,” she said softly as she checked the rags. 

“Evening, Elder,” Dakarus replied, almost as softly.  “I hope you slept well…I didn’t.” 

“I did, mostly due to exhaustion finally catching up with me.  How are you feeling?” 

“Wishing my damn body would make up its mind,” he grumbled.  “Hot one moment…chilly the next.  Worse, I’m starting to get that tingling feeling in places, sometimes worse than that.  I think I’ll count myself as lucky if I manage to get _any_ sleep tonight.” 

“Still, do your best,” Meda said encouragingly.  “Did you want me to wipe you down, to try to cool you off?” 

“That is very tempting,” Dakarus said.  “But I fear just after you do that my body will switch to thinking its cold: it would just be my luck.” 

“Then I’ll just get you more blankets,” Meda shot back with a grin. 

Dakarus chuckled at that.  “Alright, Elder, go ahead.” 

Meda took a spare rag and moistened it in the water bin, then ringed it out until it was no longer dripping wet.  She then went over the exposed areas of his body, especially areas where his carapace was thin or non-existent.  “Are you in any pain, Dakarus?” she asked as she finished. 

“A little bit that comes and goes,” he replied, sighing with relief that he felt cool, at least for the moment.  “Mostly that ‘pins and needles’ type though, you know…the kind you get when your foot falls asleep on you?” 

“I know that feeling all too well,” Meda said.  “It’s annoying.” 

“It is…but not as annoying as my body flipping between ‘hot’ and ‘cold’.” 

“Well, once it stops doing that you shouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.  Usually once one of the symptoms goes away it doesn’t return.” 

“Good to hear…though it worries me that you said ‘usually’.” 

“There are always exceptions, I’m afraid.  Everyone reacts differently after all.  Master Shintus, for instance, had the ‘pins and needles’ phase twice when he was turned.”  _Now that I think of it,_ she thought.  _I wonder if that was an indication of what his powers were going to be, considering his powers are electric based._   It would be hard to gauge though, as everyone was different during the turning process.  Some had few symptoms, while others went through the gauntlet.  Meda’s symptoms were rather light, but if she remembered correctly, she did have each symptom twice…in reverse order the second time around…which would match her mirror based powers.  The only constant in any turning process was the fever, for when it broke it was a sign that the worse was over and that the candidate would survive. 

She wondered if any other vakar noticed this and considered tracking their candidate’s symptoms while going through the process.  Would it even be feasible, considering all vakar do eventually figure out what their powers are anyway?  It would be another thing to think over, maybe even talk it over with the Masters and Lord Meinis, provided Nopha ever made it back considering the news she received earlier. 

“Elder,” Dakarus said, breaking her out of her line of thought.  “I hate to interrupt whatever you are thinking about…but my damn body decided to switch to ‘cold’.” He added with a sigh.  “Just like I figured it would.” 

Meda smiled at him as she put the covers back over his body.  She then got a couple more blankets and piled them on him as well.  “Feeling better?” 

“A little…thank you.  Give me an hour or so and I’ll be hot again.” 

“Look at it this way:  tomorrow is the halfway point.  After that, your symptoms should start improving and disappearing.” 

“’Should?’ Dakarus echoed. 

“Like I said…everyone is different.” 

She stayed with him until he managed to fall asleep a couple of hours later, treating his symptoms as needed.  Meda opted to sit in the gathering room to mull over the revelation she had.  In another room, she could hear Master Shintus assisting Lonis, a _runovus_ , in trying to control his powers, whom seemed to be manifesting powers similar to his own. 

“No, no,” Tusmu was saying.  “You don’t try to force it:  you’ll only hurt yourself and others like that.  Focus on _feeling_ the current following through your body, then imagine it concentrating at your fingertips.  Yes, yes, like that, very good.  YEOW!” 

“S-s-sorry Master….” 

Meda laughed a bit, remembering getting zapped, burned and chilled on occasion when she was teaching younger vakar herself.  It was an occupational hazard when dealing teaching how to use offensive and sometimes defensive powers.  Observation powers were among the safest and easiest to teach, while travel powers can range from safe to extremely dangerous to the user, depending on what it is.  Ones like Meda’s mirror travel required full concentration, else the vakar risked leaving a piece of them behind, or worse. 

Like any skill though, with practice and good teachers, using those skills start to become second nature.  Energy requirements go down as well, though some powers will always be heavy on the energy cost.  It also helped if the power can use an existing source:  Tusmu, for instance, could tap into the cities electric grid if he had to, though that comes with the risk of collateral damage, which vakar always tried to avoid. 

_What would Dakarus’ powers be?_ she thought as the night started to draw to a close and vakar started to return.  It was silly question to ask now, as Dakarus was only partway through the process: he needed to both survive and successfully turn before she could even begin to try to guess.  However, she couldn’t help but wonder if fire may be a possibility, considering how fast and strong his fever came on. 

It was nearly sun up and she noticed Etanus had yet to return. Either he was having a hard time finding a meal, or he was really focused on trying to get information on that transport.  Regardless of the reason, he was running out of time: when the sun started to peek over the horizon, he would no longer be able to use his water travel ability to return.  She hoped he didn’t get caught in mid travel when that happened, as their powers not only did not work when the sun was up, but get outright _canceled_ if they were in use at the time, which could lead to disastrous results. 

She waited for an hour after the sun would have been up and Etanus was still a no show.  Unable to use her mirror to try to find him, she had no choice but to hope he made it to a safe place for the day.  For the time being, she asked Tusmu to watch over Dakarus until mid-day, then to come wake her so she could take over and he could get some rest before he had to go hunt that night. 

Considering the circumstances, she had a hard time falling asleep again….


	4. Chapter 4

Day 4

When Tusmu woke her at mid-day as ordered, Meda, at first due to her half-asleep state, was wondering why she was being awakened so early. Then she remembered why and _really_ didn’t want to get up, for fear of more bad news. However, she had a duty to perform, so reluctantly she rose from bed and dressed.

"Any word?" she asked Tusmu when she exited her quarters.

"No sign of Master Mizarcus," Tusmu replied regretfully. "Do you think he has…?"

"We will know for certain if he doesn’t return after night has fallen," Meda said with a sigh. "Dakarus?"

"The young man seems to have taken a turn for the worse," the younger Master said grimly. "He’s in a lot of pain…didn’t want to be touched, not even to replace the cooling rags."

 _And without those rags he risks that fever going out of control,_ Meda thought, rubbing the back of her neck with a worried sigh. "Thank you, Master Shintus," she said. "Go get some sleep, so you’re not half dead from exhaustion during your hunt. I’ll take over here."

"A question Elder, before I retire: seeing it is your hunting night as well, who will watch over the candidate when you go? If Master Mizarcus hasn’t returned, that is."

"If it comes to it, I’ll ask one of the older _aretemus_ to watch over Dakarus while I’m out," Meda replied. "Probably, Isha: she’s nearly eligible to become a Master, so the experience would be good for her."

"I agree with your choice, Elder," Tusmu said, nodding his head. "For what my opinion is worth, that is."

Meda smiled at him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You are a Master of this sect, Shintus," she said. "Your voice matters."

"Thank you, Elder." Tusmu bowed slightly. "I hope Master Mizarcus returns…and that Dakarus improves."

"Same here."

After Tusmu had turned in for the day, Meda stared at the doorway to Dakarus’ room. For once, Meda didn’t want to go in there, for she knew it would no doubt break her heart to see him in such pain. However, he had to be watched over, especially now, so she took a deep breath to calm her nerves before stepping in.

Dakarus was indeed in a lot of pain: the poor turian was curled into a ball and from the faint moaning, it seemed like even _breathing_ was causing him discomfort. Meda had to resist the urge to bundle him up into her arms, knowing that would likely cause him even more pain at this time. _This is the hardest part of watching the process…,_ she thought as she approached the bed. _Seeing the candidate in such pain, but you cannot do anything for them._ They couldn’t even be given painkillers, as it had been proven to cause the process to fail in the past.

He must have heard her come in, as he was now looking at her. "You don’t have to speak, Dakarus," she told him. "I will understand if it hurts too much to do so. Just know I am here for you."

Dakarus nodded, wincing as he did so. Then after a deep breath he said. "I’ve…been trying…to focus…on not moaning…too loudly. Didn’t want…to disturb…anyone."

"That’s very thoughtful of you, Dakarus," Meda said with a small smile. "Though not really necessary: most vakar here understand that there may very well be ‘disturbances’ when we have someone going through this. Did you need anything?"

"Thrist…y," Dakarus moaned. "Tried myself…before…but…too…painful to hold…."

"I can hold it for you."

"Please."

Meda took a glass and filled it with water before holding it out for him. She watched as Dakarus slowly pulled himself upright, wincing and nearly crying the whole time, Meda’s heart breaking to see him suffer so. When he was ready, she put the glass to his mouth and slowly tipped it, allowing the water to flow into his mouth. Dakarus eagerly drank the best he could, though some of the water managed to slip out through the sides of his mouth, dripping down his chin and mandibles. She repeated the process twice, before Dakarus signaled to her that he had enough for the time being.

"Thank you," he said as he lay down again.

"Is the pain constant?" she asked as she put the glass back down on the dresser.

"No…it…comes in…pulses, waves…take your…pick," he explained. "I think…it is on a…downswing right now."

"How about location?"

"Seems to be mostly…external, but all over." He sighed a he added. "Probably only a…matter of time…before everything…hurts like hell."

That explained why he didn’t want to be touched, but yet was still able to talk and drink. _If it does start affecting him internally, he could be in real trouble,_ she thought grimly. _Especially if it makes it too painful to breathe…._

She hoped with all her heart that Dakarus would avoid that.

Later, that night

Dakarus had continued have ‘waves of pain’ as he described it and Meda did what she could to keep him comfortable, but there was little she could do. At the very least, they didn’t get any worse, though they didn’t get any better either. She hoped this would be the worse he would go through, but that would remain to be seen, as he still had three more days.

Another worry was Mizarcus, as he still hadn’t returned. She really hoped nothing had happened to him, as losing both him and Nopha would be a big blow to the sect. Unfortunately, she couldn’t waste time trying to find him with her mirror, as it was her hunting night. With Tusmu also hunting tonight, it looked like she will have to ask a younger vakar like Isha to keep watch over Dakarus as she suspected.

She was just about to ask Isha to do this when Mizarcus suddenly emerged from her quarters, dripping wet from having used the canal to return. He looked tired and a bit ragged, like he had trouble finding a safe place to sleep over the course of the day. "Master Mizarcus," Meda said as she approached him. "What happened? When you didn’t return by morning I was feared the worse."

"There were some…complications," Etanus said. "It was harder than I thought to get information on that transport: the government was keeping it rather ‘hush, hush’. Had to ‘extract’ the information myself from a couple of officials."

That he went to such extremes left a bad taste in her mouth. "I surely hope your ‘methods’ will not come back to haunt us, Mizarcus," she stated firmly.

"You have my word we will not be hunted down for this, Elder."

"Then what did you discover?"

At this, Etanus’ mandibles drooped and his head was hung low, his eyes cast to the ground. "I am sorry, Elder, but the ship was lost with all hands…including Lord Meinis."

"Spirits no…." Though she suspected it herself, it was not something she really wanted to hear confirmed. Her stress and anxiety levels were already high as is.

"If it is of any comfort, Elder...it seemed Lord Meinis did not go down without a fight: the pirates took heavy casualties."

"Noted but…." Meda sighed heavily, placing her head partly over her face. "She will be hard to replace…as she would have made a fine Elder when the time came."

There was an odd twitch in Etanus’ mandibles, something she only just barely caught sight of due to her preoccupation with her own grief. Due that same reason, she didn’t think anything of it, as there were more important, immediate things to deal with. "She will be sorely missed by everyone in the sect," Etanus said. "Such a gentle soul…she was. However, I suggest we see about initiating a new Lord as soon as possible, so the chain of command is not disrupted."

At this, Meda narrowed her eyes, looking at Etanus sternly. While it was a reasonable suggestion, the tone of his voice was a bit too _eager._ He knew he was the most eligible for the job and he plainly _wanted_ it. "A sect does not _require_ a Lord to run smoothly, Mizarcus," Meda corrected him calmly. "And you forget we would be down to one Master should one of you be promoted. I would rather we wait until one of the tier two’s becomes eligible enough to be promoted to Master, before I select who will be the new Lord."

There was that mandible twitch again, only this time she saw it clearly enough to recognize it as annoyance. The look on Etanus’ face was mostly unreadable, but she could see brief flashes of ‘how dare you’ in his eyes. She felt herself tensing, expecting him to argue, or even strike out at her: the latter without a formal challenge first would result in his immediate exile from the sect.

The tension between them lasted a few seconds, Elder and Master glaring at each other in a battle of wills. Then, at last, Etanus took a deep breath and replied, surprisingly calmly. "I do not agree, but you are the Elder. If we must wait for a new Lord to be chosen, then wait we shall." He then lowered his head and bowed submissively, though it was clear from the expression on his face he was not happy. "What is the status of our candidate, Elder?"

"Waves of pain," Meda replied, letting out the breath she had been holding. "So far they haven’t gotten any worse, but not gotten better either. When in the midst of one, he doesn’t want to be touched."

"I see," Etanus said. "I shall keep that in mind when tending to him while you are away, Elder."

"No, Mizarcus. You are clearly tired and out of sorts due to the events of today and last night. Go relax and rest for the night, recover your strength: I will ask Isha to watch over Dakarus while I’m gone."

He made that twitch again, but it was noticeably more subdued. "As you wish, Elder," he said before starting to head to his room.

Just before he disappeared into his room, something dawned on her. Something that may explain Etanus’ more _aggressive_ behavior as of late. "Mizarcus," she called out, hoping to confirm her suspicious. "When was the last time you meditated?"

Etanus stopped in his tracks and looked back at her, looking mildly confused. "I’m not sure," he admitted. "A couple months, I think."

Meda frowned, not liking the answer. Due to their ability to ‘record’ the memories of their targets through their blood, their minds can quickly become ‘cluttered’ with memories, thoughts and feelings not their own. This can result in confusion and forgetting who they a really are and their purpose, and eventually they succumb to their greatest enemy: insanity. Once a vakar goes fully insane, they cannot be saved and must be put down.

Two things are required to prevent this: mediation to clear their heads and the regular presence of another vakar to remind them of their purpose. Since the rate of falling to insanity varies from vakar to vakar, it was up to the individual vakar to know when it was time to meditate, though…sometimes they needed to be reminded, hence the other reason another vakar needed to be present in their lives. That Etanus, a Master, had seemingly allowed himself to slip like this, was very discouraging.

"Well, that explains your attitude just now," Meda said with a scowl. "How irresponsible of you to neglect something so important at your rank! And you want to be a Lord?"

Etanus whole body twitched as her words hit home, his shoulders slumping and his head hanging as he realized his error. He then looked back up at her, regret, shame and…despair?...on his face. "I…I have no excuse, Elder…as you said, I have neglected my responsibilities as a Master. I shall remedy the situation immediately and ensure it will not happen again."

"It best not, Mizarcus," Meda said, in a softer tone, but no less serious. "For both your sake and the sake of the sect."

"Understood, Elder." At that, Etanus finally entered his room.

Meda sighed and leaned against a wall. _What is with my luck as of late?_ she thought, rubbing her face. _I am struggling separating my feelings from my duties in regards to Dakarus, Dakarus is struggling with the turning process on top of that. I just learned I lost Lord Meinis and now one of my own Masters just admitted to forgetting to meditate!?_

She hoped this wasn’t a sign of bad things to come for her sect.

***

_An hour later…_

Meda had chosen to search a residential distract for a target this night. While the chances of find a suitable target was lower here, the usual stillness of such an area afforded her the chance to think without interruption. She did indeed have a lot to think about.

For one she had to decide how to break it to the rest of the sect that Lord Meinis was gone, though she was certain word was already getting around: still, official recognition would be needed. The other, related, issue was the matter of who would take Nopha’s place. Etanus would be the obvious choice due to his age and experience, but her earlier interaction with him worried her. That he would slip up on one of the most essential things needed for a vakar to continue to function normally, sent up red flags in her head.

 _He always did have a habit of ‘challenging’ me on certain things,_ she thought, remembering their frequent debates on the use of technology within the sanctuary. While she won those debates, thinking about it now and the other, smaller, things she had noticed, she realized he seemed to be testing her. Testing her for weakness, looking for an excuse to have her ousted from the sect. It wasn’t uncommon for a higher ranking member to declare their elder unfit to lead. In such cases, the accuser usually tries to get as much support from the rest of the sect as they can and if they get the majority, the elder usually steps down and leaves, sometimes with the few supporters they have left. If the accuser fails to get the support, the elder has every right to kick them out. However, if the support between the two sides is roughly equal, a formal challenge may be declared.

These duels were usually held during the day, after both opponents ensured they had a good meal. This way, the fight would be as equal as possible, as vakar are required to keep their hand-to-hand skills up to par. Such duels last until one submits, or otherwise is unable to fight anymore: fights to the death were extremely rare.

 _If he is testing me, why? Why is he so eager for this burden?_ she wondered. Thinking back, she remembered that Etanus was not turned in her sect, but was a refugee that joined hers after he had lost his sect. She also remembered when he was promoted to Master by her predecessor how confused he was: he ended up asking why he didn’t have to fight for it.

 _Yes, that has to be it,_ she thought. _Tier progression in his old sect was obviously different from ours._ This meant it was likely he felt she didn’t deserve her position as she didn’t _earn_ her position through combat. Regardless, it meant she had to keep an eye on him and watch what she did and said from this point on.

A loud crash from a house across the street got her attention. Her mind snapping to hunting mode, she quickly crossed the road to try to see what was going on, hoping it was a thief attempting to rob a house. As she got closer, she could hear screaming, but not in pain or fear, but rage.

"I thought you were going to fix that damn shower!?" a female’s voice was screaming. "Look at this mess! The carpet is ruined!"

"I told you," a male voice, though slightly submissive in tone, responded. "It is beyond my ability to fix."

"And why didn’t you call a plumber then, you idiot!?

"We can’t _afford_ one right now."

"We _could_ if you weren’t such a deadbeat, Istetor, and got a better job!"

By this point, Meda had reached a broken window and was looking in. The yet unnamed female was only partly clothed, apparently had been about to use the shower when she noticed the problem. Her face was blue with rage, the discoloration starting to extend down her neck and her fringe was flared along with her mandibles. Meda also noticed that her fringe and certain segments of her carapace looked trimmed or enhanced in some way. Istetor, was in his sleepware, his posture and expression one of just wanting to get this fight over with. _Definitely not a happy couple,_ she thought. _But not something I am after._ Still, her curiosity compelled her to keep watching for a bit more.

"Actually, we could if you stopped spending our money on such useless things, Chesia," Istetor retorted bitterly. "You could do without half of those outfits in the closet at least...and don’t get me started on all the ‘carapace improvement’ products you keep buying. You care more about your appearance than paying the house bill…or paying for the window you just broke."

Chesia’s face went bluer than Meda thought possible before she smacked Istelor in the face. "You…son of a varren!" she screeched. "How dare you accuse me of caring more about myself than anything else!" At that point she stormed out of the room.

 _Actually, from what I’ve seen and just heard, he’s spot on, dear,_ Meda thought, frowning with disgust. _You’re better off without her hun, she’s trouble._

Her assessment of the Chesia would prove to be more correct than she realized. Just as Meda was about to turn away, Chesia came back into the room, brandishing a firearm. Before Meda, or Istelor for that matter, could react, she fired, hitting Istelor in the shoulder. Istelor screamed, but the scream sounded more like it was out of terror than pain, before scrambling for cover behind the bed.

"I think it’s time to get rid of you," Chesia growled, tracking his movements with the gun. "The sympathy package I’ll get from the government would hold me over longer than a years’ worth of your pathetic pay check."

"Chesia…don’t…please!" Istetor begged. Meda was already moving, vaulting herself through the broken window.

"Good bye, you worthless piece of…AHH!" Chesia screamed in shock when Meda tackled her, a single shot firing wild into the floor. Before the woman could get her wits about her, Meda pinned both her arms to the ground.

"I won’t let you kill anyone, you vane bitch," Meda growled at her before punching her square in the forehead, knocking her out cold before sinking her fangs into her neck.

What she saw in her blood disgusted her even more. This woman was a credit digger to the extreme, tricking men into giving her money and gifts and then using that to improve her ‘looks’ so she could ensnare more. Poor Istetor was just a means to keep her from needing to settle down with anyone else, until apparently he grew too troublesome. There were also hints of larceny and fraud as well.

As disgusting as Chesia’s crimes were, they didn’t deserve death, so Meda only took what she needed before releasing her. Then she turned her attention to Istetor, whom looked a bit shocked and perhaps a little horrified at what he just witnessed.

She didn’t blame him.

"Istetor," she said calmly. "Will you be alright?"

"I...I think so," he said. "Just a graze I think…h-how did you know my name? I don’t recognize you as one of our neighbors…."

"I was going for a late night walk when I heard you two arguing. When I heard the gun fire…I just reacted like any concerned citizen should," Meda replied, honestly.

"Yeah…I appreciate that…but…what exactly did you do to her?"

"Let’s just say I ensured she wouldn’t have much control over her motor skills for a bit once she wakes up. Should be plenty of time for the police to get here and ensure she doesn’t try to finish what she started." Faintly in the distance, she could hear the sirens of emergency vehicles approaching. "Listen, I can’t stay to give them my statement, so I need a favor from you. When they arrive, ask for Officer Dusius Sectian, he’s someone I know in this district."

"I’ve heard of him…but why?"

"When he arrives, before you say anything else to him, say ‘Meda was here’."

"Um…OK…." Istetor looked very confused but was still paying attention, so she continued.

"Once you have his attention, inform him that I…highly recommend investigating Chesia’s investments, including her workplace performing a thorough audit of their finances of the last…five years or so."

"Wait a minute…are you suggesting my wife was stealing money?"

Meda just smiled at him and said. "It’s best you don’t know about how I know these things, Isteror." The sirens were much louder now, too close for her to leave by ‘normal’ means without drawing suspicion. "One last thing…do you have a large mirror…preferably full length."

"Y-yes…it’s in the bathroom…Chesia stands in front of that thing for hours sometimes…."

She walked into the bathroom, her feet making a notable splash when she stepped into the puddle caused by the broken shower. The mirror wasn’t just a full length, it was practically _wall_ length. It was also spotless and distortion free, which an appearance freak like Chesia would require. "This is more than perfect, thank you," she said. "I would highly suggest after tonight you leave this city for your own protection, in case your wife somehow manages to flirt her way out of jail time."

"I think I’ll be leaving the damn planet, miss…," Istetor grumbled. "Maybe go stay with relatives on Palaven…"

"An even better idea. Good bye, Istetor and good luck." Without further delay, she focused on her destination and stepped into the mirror. She felt the familiar feeling of a thin line of liquid brushing across her body, but otherwise it was like stepping through a doorway. In less than a second, she was back in the Sanctuary.

First thing she did was check up on Dakarus: somehow against the odds he had fallen asleep and Isha told her he had done so about a half hour ago. Meda thanked her and took over, allowing the younger vakar to resume her usual duties for her rank. With Dakarus asleep, she decided not to make the announcement of Lord Meinis’ demise official tonight, as she didn’t want to risk him being awakened by the cries of grief that would surely follow.

She had to wonder if Etanus would hold that against her as well….


	5. Chapter 5

Day 5

After she had retired for the day, Meda struggled to fall asleep once more. Not only was she still concerned about Etanus’ behavior, but she was still reeling from confirmation that Nopha was gone. She did eventually drift off, only to wake up again shortly before sundown. While she laminated over the lack of sleep, an early rise was for the best in this case, as she wanted to be sure she had everyone available when she made the announcement. Breaking the news will be hard enough doing it once, she didn’t want to do it twice or more.

When she left her quarters she saw Etanus watching over Dakarus once more. He looked concerned and was constantly looking at Dakarus’ room. "Morning, Elder," he said softly when he noticed her. "I fear he is going into a delirious state: he’s tried to leave the room twice since I took over watch, looking confused."

_Spirits, just what we need,_ Meda thought, rubbing her head. Delirium was the hardest side effect of the turning process to deal with, as they never knew how the candidate will react. In mild cases, the candidate will act confused but will comply with their caretaker’s orders. Worse case: they go berserk and try to harm others and themselves. So far from want Etanus just said, Dakarus’ was a mild case: she hoped it stayed that way. "We’ll have to keep an extra close watch on him then, until it passes," she said.

Etanus nodded in agreement. "You will be letting the other’s know about Lord Meinis tonight, I take it?" he asked, changing the subject.

Meda nodded solemnly. "I would like to do so before anyone leaves on their hunt."

"A good idea," he said. "You could be waiting until sunrise otherwise."

Meda allowed herself a brief smile: it was clear Etanus was in better sorts. The idea that he was likely testing her for weakness, however, was still on her mind. For that reason, she still intended to _not_ promote him just yet, as she didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of having a Lord that had ulterior motives. Loyalty and trust was everything in a vakar sect.

More and more vakar stirred from their sleep and joined them in the gathering room. "I know some of you are hungry," Etanus announced. "But please, no one leave just yet. The Elder has an announcement to make and she wants everyone here for it."

Meda nodded her thanks to him and mentally started to prepare herself. She had a general idea of what to say, but whether it would come out that way remains to be seen. After a few more minutes the gathering room was filling up nicely and the vakar present were starting to look anxious at what she was going to say. She knew some would already know, or at least suspect, what it would be about: she hated that she had to confirm this.

After doing a quick headcount to ensure everyone was here, she moved to the middle of the room and began. "My fellow vakar, tonight I am the bearer of bad news. Some of you already know, or at least suspect, what I am about to tell you: it grieves me that I must confirm it. We have lost one of our own, our dear Lord Nopha Meinis."

She paused for a moment to let it sink in. Around her, some vakar reacted with shock or anger and other’s lowering their heads in grim resignation. Death upon their own didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was usually a blow to many, as the ones lost often had long standing relationships with their sect mates. "Who took her from us?" one vakar finally asked, his voice trembling with anger.

"Space pirates attacked the transport she was on," Meda explained. "According to Master Mizarcus, the ship was lost with all hands in the attack, but not without heavy causalities on pirate’s side due to Lord Meinis efforts. Those pirates paid in blood, I assure you."

"Still, I’ll kill every pirate I find…."

She recognized him now: it was Breimus, a vakar that was nearly eligible to become tier two and receive his codename. He was also the latest…and last…vakar Nopha had turned: sometimes the bond between the turner and turnee can be strong, as Meda knew all too well considering her feelings for Dakarus.

"Do not give in to anger, Breimus," Meda cautioned. "Even if we could easily reach such criminals, revenge is not our way. To give into that desire, risks you ending the life of someone that didn’t deserve it: Lord Meinis would not want you, or any of us, to go down that path for her sake."

"I....You’re right, Elder," Breimus said, his posture relaxing. "Forgive me for my losing control of my emotions…."

Meda reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. "There is nothing to be forgiven, as it was a reasonable reaction, as Lord Meinis was well liked and even loved by many in this sect. She had helped me through many a crisis in my long life," she added softly, lowering her head. "At least one, I may not have made it through if it was not for her." Meda stepped back, fighting back her own sorrow and trying to keep her voice from cracking. "Her kind and gentle soul was an inspiration for many and she will be hard to replace as a Lord."

"And who will be Lord now, Elder?" another vakar, it sounded like Isha. She didn’t look her way, but instead kept an eye on Etanus in her peripheral vision.

"For now, no one," she responded and there was a few expected gasps of surprise.

"No one, Elder?" Tusmu asked. "Why? I know I am not likely eligible for the tier, but surely Master Mizarcus…."

"Yes, Master Mizarcus is the most eligible for the position," Meda confirmed: so far Etanus hadn’t reacted one way or the other. "But if I promoted him now, you would be the sole master of the sect for some time. While you are a capable Master, Shintus, I would feel more comfortable if I always had two Master’s on hand at all times. A Lord is not required to run a sect, but Masters are. Therefore, for the time being, the Lord tier will remain empty until another vakar becomes eligible for Master."

"I hear what you say, Elder," Tusmu said, bowing his head. "And I understand and agree with your reasoning."

There was brief scowl that flashed on Etanus’ face: if she hadn’t been watching him she would have missed it. Etanus obviously didn’t like the fact that Tusmu sided with her on this, or the fact that other vakar around her were also nodding in agreement. This put her mind at ease: with the number of vakar approving of her decision, Etanus wouldn’t have the support to try to take over by force.

For now.

Everyone lingered for a bit longer, reminiscing about Nopha, some praying to her spirit to guide them. Those that had to hunt soon left, including Etanus, whom wouldn’t met Meda’s gaze as he left. The rest chatted a bit longer before going about their daily duties. With that unpleasantness taking care of, Meda turned to see to Dakarus, only to see said turian standing in the threshold of his room.

"Dakarus," Meda said, remembering what Etanus told her before and made sure to approach him with care. "How are you feeling?"

Dakarus blinked at her, his mandibles moving in ways that didn’t convey any single emotion. He didn’t seem certain on where he was, or who she was, but rather than ask he just stared. His lack of response bothered her a little, but she’d rather he not respond at all than to react with violence. Cautiously, Meda reached out with a hand to feel his forehead, to see how his fever was doing.

"It’s OK," she said gently when he jerked back a bit at her touch. "I’m not going to hurt you."

When she tried again, he finally spoke. "Don’t. Hurts."

"You have a headache?" she asked, putting her hand down.

"Bad," he confirmed, nodding his head. Apparently the simple act of nodding his head made it worse, as he suddenly clasped his head in his hands, groaning in pain. He then grabbed her by the shoulders and buried his head in her cowl. "Make it stop…please!" he begged. "It hurts…so much!"

"I wish I could," Meda said regretfully, hugging him. While she was thankful that it wasn’t really delirium he was going through, the intense pain he had to be in was likely just as maddening. "Try to focus on something other than the pain."

"Like what?"

"Anything that is not related to your pain."

"Ok…got one," he replied softly after a moment. From how deeply he was breathing, she figured he was focusing on his breathing.

"Good…let’s have you lay down, alright?"

"No, I’ll lose your scent if I do that."

"Lose my…wha…." Meda blushed when she realized fully what he meant. It made sense, now that she thought about it, as he always found her scent comforting when he was a kid. However, this put her in a rather awkward position: she couldn’t stand here like this until he fell asleep, let alone all night. At least, not in full view of everyone: she may be respected as an Elder, but she also had a reputation to uphold.

"OK, I understand," she said, thinking quickly. "Still, we should _both_ be more comfortable for this." His room was too small and of course the gathering room was out of the question. That left her quarters. "Master Shintus?"

Tusmu, whom had been instructing another vakar on power use, looked up her. "Yes, Elder?" he asked, raising an eye ridge at her situation, but not commenting on it.

"If anybody needs me, I’ll be in my quarters…Dakarus will be with me. Understood?"

"Understood, Elder."

"Alright, come with me, Dakarus," she said, gently coaxing him to come with her. It took a few minutes, as Dakarus was so reluctant to move, but she eventually got him into her quarters. She then coaxed him toward the bed and had him sit on it, Meda sitting beside him once he had done so.

Meda held him, much like she had when he was a child, stroking his back in the attempt to help him relax. Dakarus kept his face in her cowl the whole time, practically buried in her neck where her scent was strongest. Subconsciously, she started humming a lullaby, her own mind drifting back to when she did this for him back at the orphanage.

She remembered her old desires of adopting him and raising him herself: it seemed like yesterday he was small enough to sit in her lap. Briefly, she wondered who his parents were and what happened to them. He had mentioned to her that neither he nor his sister remembered who their biological parents were: in fact the only reason he knew his family name was because of the ID cards they had when they were initially found.

_A mystery that many never be solved,_ Meda thought as she looked at him. Finally, she could feel him start to relax and hopefully that meant he’ll soon be asleep. _Despite what my heart wants, I’ll always be no more than a mother to you, will I?_

It was a painful realization, but one that was true. Their past history proved it and the current situation only cemented it, especially if he succeeds in becoming a vakar. _Not even two full days left until we know if he has succeeded…,_ she realized. _Spirits…they are going to be the longest days of my life…._

Dakarus must be asleep now, going by his breathing rate and how relaxed his body was. Carefully, so not to wake him, she lay him down on her bed and covered him with the blankets. She then quietly left the room, returning to the gathering room. Meda did realize she was out of a place to sleep herself due to this, but she’ll manage.

A part of her realized that Etanus will no doubt protest this arrangement, but he will just have to live with it.

***

Meda checked on him regularly throughout the night. So far, he hadn’t awakened once, which she was taking as a good sign. That she ensured the other vakar didn’t make too much noise likely helped with that. Now it was nearly sunrise and almost all vakar were back in settling into their rooms for the day. Almost all, because Etanus was late again. She was about to go do a quick scry with her mirror before the first light of day robbed her of powers when he finally walked in.

"You cut it close today, Mizarcus," she told him, folding her arms. "Had trouble finding a target?"

He affixed her with an annoyed glare before responding. "Yes, Elder. Pickings were slim for me tonight."

Etanus was clearly not in a good mood and Meda suspected why. "Still bitter about the Lord thing, are we?"

The master vakar didn’t respond. Instead he headed straight for Dakarus’ room. He was a bit surprised to see that Dakarus was not in there. "He’s in my quarters, asleep," Meda said before he could ask.

It was clear Etanus didn’t like this turn of events from how his hands kept clenching and unclenching. When he turned around, his mouth open to start a protest, she gave him a ‘don’t you dare wake him up’, look. This seemed to temper his reaction, or at least the _volume_ of it. "Are you out of your mind, Elder?" he quietly, but the anger behind his words was obvious from both the tone and the flaring of his mandibles. "This is against protocol and tradition."

"Circumstances resulted in its necessity, Mizarcus," she explained claimly. "You were mistaken that he was delirious: he instead had a massive headache. I had instructed him to focus on something not related to his pain and he opted to focus on my scent, resulting in a situation that was best handled in my quarters. Do I need to explain further?"

"No, Elder," Etanus said. "However, I still find it inappropriate for one of your station and you should have had him moved back to his room once he was asleep."

"Would you have been able to relocate him without waking him up, Mizarcus?" she asked him. "Considering how delicate sleep can be when one is in pain?"

Etanus looked like he was about to say ‘of course’, but then had second thoughts about it. "No, Elder, you are right…again," he replied bitterly. "I shall retire for the day, then."

"One more thing, before you go, Mizarcus."

There was an annoyed sigh and he barely looked back to acknowledge her. "And what is that, Elder?"

"Age and experience are not the only requirements to becoming a Lord, Etanus Mizarcus," Meda said, using his given name along with his codename to add weight to the seriousness of what she said next. "The Elder must also be able to _trust_ the Lord. Where do you think you stand, in that regard?"

She saw Etanus stiffen like a pyjak that was caught in the food stores. His reaction was confirmation enough of her suspicious of him. She also knew, that what happened in the next few minutes will determine his fate.

"You don’t trust me, Elder?" he asked softly, sounding a bit hurt at the implication of her question.

"Not enough to be a Lord," Meda said flatly. "But…you have time to try to _fix_ that, considering my earlier decision to delay promoting a master to lord. I suggest you take advantage of that time."

He seemed defeated, yet determined, as he said. "Yes, Elder. I’ll do my best to remedy the…mistrust…between us."

"Good. You are dismissed, Mizarcus."

After Etanus had retired to his room, Meda let out a long sigh. She hated having to confront him like that, especially so soon after the last one, but it had to be done. He had to be told the other reason why she was reluctant to promote him right away. She almost told him flat out that she didn’t want a Lord she believed may put a knife in her back at any moment, but she had felt that would have caused things to escalate. No, she had to deal with Etanus carefully, as she really didn’t want to lose any more members, especially over something as silly as power games.

_Now it is up to him,_ she thought as she returned to her own quarters, where Dakarus was still sleeping soundly. _If he improves how he acts toward me, he’ll get the Lord position he so badly wants._ _Though I will still keep an eye on him._

With a hopeful sigh, she sat down in the large chair she kept in front of her full length mirror. Usually she only used it when she just wanted to ‘browse’ with her mirror, using it much like a TV as she ‘flipped’ though various mirrors in the city to see if anything interesting was happening. Tonight though, it will be her bed, since Dakarus was using her real one.

With not much on her mind to keep her up for once, she fell asleep fairly quickly.

***

_Later that day…._

Meda was awakened suddenly at the sound of something crashing. Jumping out of her chair, she quickly scanned her quarters for the source, until she noticed that Dakarus wasn’t in the bed. Her heart racing, she quickly rushed to the bed and found Dakarus on the ground beside it. "Dakarus, are you alright?" she asked, moving to his side.

Dakarus didn’t even acknowledge her. Instead, he was curled into a tight ball, his breathing sounding pained and weak. _No…,_ Meda thought as she bundled him up into her arms. He looked at her then, but his eyes were unfocused and he didn’t seem to realize where he was. "Dakarus," she said, panic edging into her voice. "Focus on me…focus on my voice. You need to stay with me."

He didn’t even seem to hear her. Over the next moment, he’s eyes started to roll back into his head, only to snap back into proper position. It was clear he was fighting to stay awake, to stay _alive_ , but it seemed like he was losing that fight.

_This shouldn’t be happening…,_ Meda thought, her mind in a panic. _He should be recovering by now, not getting **worse**! Not **dying** when he’s so close!_

Yet, that was what seemed to be happening. Dakarus, despite it being the eve of the sixth day, was slipping away in her arms and there was nothing she could do to prevent it. "You can’t die on me," she pleaded, holding him close. "I _saved_ your life years ago…I can’t…I can’t be the one to _take it_. Please…please don’t do this to me…."

Dakarus seemed heedless of her pleas, his struggles getting weaker and less frequent. Then, he leaned against her and uttered a single word so softly that she barely heard it. "Thysa…."

Thysa…that was his sister’ name. The sister he had lost the same day they had first met. Meda also knew what him uttering it had to mean. "No…Dakarus!" Meda shook him, but there was no response. "Dakar!"

No matter how much she called his name, he didn’t respond. She even pinched and lightly slapped his face, only to get the same result: nothing. Grief-stricken, she held him tightly, weeping into his cowl. _Why did I give him the choice?_ She thought, feeling a pain in her heart that she hadn’t felt in centuries. _I should never have approached him with it…._

Dakarus had mentioned before the process started that he would have preferred death over failure. That he would rather be with his sister again than to fail to become a vakar. That, was of little comfort to her now, knowing how she felt about him. A small part of her wondered if her outcries had gotten the attention of the others and whether or not she had an audience to her greatest failure.

She found herself not caring if they were or not right now. Instead, she focused on holding him, reminiscing about the times they had together, most if it back when he was a child. She wished she could go back in time and undo what she had done. Wished she could take back her offer of turning him into a vakar. To prevent the pain, suffering and death of someone she cared for so dearly. Such a thing was impossible though and that just made the pain that much worse.

For the first time in her long life, she truly regretted ever becoming a vakar.


	6. Chapter 6

She must have fallen asleep, as the next thing she remembered was the feeling of someone gently shaking her shoulder. Meda looked up at the one disturbing her, her vision a bit blurry for a moment until she blinked it away. Only then did she recognize it was Etanus kneeling in front of her, whom had a look of concern and sympathy on his face.

"Etanus…I…." Whatever it was she was about to say died in her throat and instead found herself staring at the ground instead. She knew she was in a vulnerable state, one Etanus could easily exploit, but found herself not caring.

"I’m sorry, Elder," Etanus said softly. He seemed uninclined to take advantage of her weakness and was even ignoring the blatant breach of protocol when she referred to him by his personal name.

"You were right…," she said, hugging Dakarus’ limp form closely. "I should have had you do it…This…this was too personal…too close…I…."

"And you believe the outcome would have been different if I had?" Etanus pointed out.

"Even if it wasn’t, I still would not have been the one to ultimately take his life."

"No…but you probably would have blamed me for doing something wrong, considering the current…state…of our relationship."

Meda sighed, realizing he was right. With how she felt about Dakarus, she probably would have scrutinized everything Etanus did to find some way to blame him for it. It probably didn’t help she hadn’t had a failure like this in a very long time. "I’m…sorry, Etanus," she said softly. "This stress of this turn…losing Nopha…it’s just…too much. I haven’t felt this…low…in a very long time."

Etanus looked away for a moment: he appeared to be uncertain on how to respond to her confession. "It would be best to stay in your quarters tonight then, Elder," he said at last. "Use your mirror to travel if you are still up for hunting."

"I don’t think I’ll be able to eat tonight…."

"Best you still try, if only to keep up your strength. I’ll take care of the body in the meantime." When he moved to take Dakarus’ from her, she reflexively held on to him even harder, giving him a ‘don’t you dare’ look. "Elder…."

"Let me hold him…just a bit longer…," she begged, not wanting to let him go. To let him go would just confirm that Dakarus was gone….

"If I allowed that, it will just make it harder for you," Etanus countered. "Please, Elder. I know it’s hard, but you need to let go…."

Again, he was right, though she wished he wasn’t. She looked at Dakarus’ face, seeing how peaceful he looked, before finally relenting and relaxing her hold on him. Once Etanus had taken him from her arms, she buried her head in her arms and knees, unable to watch him take Dakarus away.

She heard him take a few steps, then suddenly stop, uttering a faint sound of confusion. Looking up, she saw Etanus staring at Dakarus’ body, a look of shock on his face. "Etanus…what…," she started to ask.

"Elder…." Etanus’ expression of shock was turning into astonishment. "I think he’s still alive."

Meda blinked at him, not wanting to believe what he just said. "You…you are sure?" she asked hesitantly. She’s had enough of an emotional break down as is and if this faint glimmer of hope was false it would crush her completely.

"When did he ‘die’?" he asked.

She had to think a moment. "Around midday," she replied.

"His body shouldn’t still be warm then…." Etanus turned and headed back toward the bed.

"I _was_ holding him all this time," Meda pointed out. "My body heat…"

"Elder, your body heat would not have spread to his limbs like this," Etanus chided as he put Dakarus on the bed and started checking for vital signs. "Feel his hands."

Did she dare hope? Hope that Dakarus was still alive? Slowly she got up and faced the bed, staring at Dakarus’ limb form before shakily taking up on his hands into her own. "Spirits…they _are_ warm….," she gasped. Quickly, she checked for pulse. "But...no pulse…."

"I’m not getting one either…," Etanus said. "Same with breathing. If he really is alive, his vitals must be so low that we can’t detect them."

"But…if that’s the case, that can’t be a good thing…."

"There have been cases like this before, where the doctors declared someone dead, only for them to wake up in the morgue later, perfectly fine," Etanus muttered. "Hold on, a moment." He then suddenly rushed out of her quarters.

What was going on? Was his body playing tricks on both of them? Or was this an elaborate trick on Etanus’ part to break her even further? She swore that if this was the case, she’ll kill him.

A moment later, Etanus returned, carrying a deactivated omni-tool. She bristled slightly that he had the thing in the sanctuary. "Where did you get that thing?" she demanded. "And why is it….

"What is more important, Elder?" Etanus snapped, cutting her off as he turned the device on. "That I have this thing here or determining if Dakarus is really still alive?"

That stopped her protest short. It was, indeed, more important to see if Dakarus was alive at this moment. "Go ahead," she said softly, feeling ashamed of herself.

"This is an older model, so it will take a bit to complete its analysis," he explained as he activated the appropriate program. "As to where I got it: I lifted it off the corpse of a turian that made a living from changing criminal’s faces so they can elude capture."

"Somehow I doubt you took it to run medical scans," Meda said, anxiously watching him as he waved the device over Dakarus.

"No, originally I used it to identify criminals to feed on. Had no problem finding a meal for several months due to the hefty list this thing had on it."

"And you didn’t share this information?"

"I wanted to, but, as you know, criminals are a paranoid bunch. What do you think would have happened if they noticed a bunch of them that had used the same ‘service’ suddenly started to get attacked at once?"

Meda folded her arms and sighed. "They would have either fled the planet, or had their appearance changed again, making the information useless."

"Exactly. Mind, I _did_ give a copy of the info to the local police eventually. Anonymously, of course." The device beeped then, indicating that it was done. Etanus was then quiet as he studied the results. It took longer than Meda liked.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"It did detect signs of life, but they are very faint," Etanus said finally.

Meda felt an immense since of relief, though it was very brief. Dakarus was alive, but with his vitals so low he was still in danger of dying. "Is there…anything we can do?" she asked.

"If you are really desperate to ensure he lives, we could take him to a local hospital: they would have the knowledge needed to save him. However." His tone turned quite serious. "You would be denying him the chance to become a vakar…a choice he already made and took the oath for."

Meda took a deep breath and sighed slowly at the dilemma she was in. She didn’t want him to die and it looked like he would if they didn’t act soon, but she didn’t want to go against his wishes either. Stuck between her personal feelings and her duty to honor personal choices, she paced the room, her hands waving about in a display of her frustration over the situation. All the while, Etanus was watching her, his expression unreadable.

"I don’t know what to do…," she finally admitted.

"That you are so conflicted concerns me, Elder," Etanus said.

"You would be too if you were in my position."

"I would not have allowed myself to become so _attached_ to a candidate," Etanus retorted with a sneer.

"You cannot know that for certain, Mizarcus," she growled back.

"Well, at least you are back to using my codename again."

She rounded on him. "Do. Not. _Mock_. Me, Etanus Mizarcus!" Spirits, he had to be testing her again, and at such a vulnerable time for her emotionally. "I am your Elder and you should be treating me like one!"

"When you start _acting_ like one, I will," Etanus said coyly. "Right now, you are acting little better than a _runovous_ that had just failed his first solo hunt."

The comment shot through her like a knife. At first it enraged her, but that rage dissipated quickly when it dawned on her that, once again, he was right. She wasn’t acting like an Elder, she was barely acting like a vakar at all, in fact. _Spirits…How did I let myself get so low?_ she thought, rubbing her forehead.

Meda realized then that Etanus wasn’t testing her in this case, but _helping_ her, albeit in his own way. He reminded her of her duty as a vakar, though in a much harsher way than she was used to. It was still effective, regardless.

"Alright," she said after a long sigh. "We wait to see what happens…to see if he pulls through somehow."

Etanus seemed both surprised and…relieved…to hear that. "Are you certain, Elder?" he asked.

"He accepted that he may die from this, as all of us had," she replied sorrowfully. "My feelings toward him, should not… _cannot_ override that."

He looked satisfied with her answer. "Very well, Elder," he said with a faint bow. "Shall I take my leave?"

"No." Her reaction surprised even her and it took her a moment to gather her thoughts as to why. "I’d…rather someone stay with me though this," she explained, rubbing one arm with a hand. "Though I decided to let things run their course, I’m not sure I can trust _myself_ to keep it that way."

"I understand, Elder." He folded his arms, but from his posture it was more curious than annoyed. "So, what shall we do while we hold this vigil? To help pass the time, that is."

She was half surprised he didn’t insist she go hunt, but perhaps he took her request for him to stay to include not leaving her alone at all. Regardless, she had to think a moment for an idea. "Only thing we really can do is talk," she said.

"About?"

Again she had to think a moment, then realized she had an opportunity to learn more about Etanus and his background. It was something she should have done long ago, but she had no reason to question his loyalty until recently. Perhaps if she learned his history, she would better understand his motivations and behavior. "Well, I am curious about your previous sect, Mizarcus. I remember when you joined us that you had a hard time adjusting initially."

"Hmm…yes, I was," Etanus said, looking slightly uncomfortable at the subject.

"If you don’t feel comfortable…."

"It’s alright, Elder," he interrupted. "If I want you to trust me, it’s best you know these things."

"Alright, if you are sure."

"My old sect was small to begin with," he began. "Mostly because we had a high mortality rate."

"Why is that?" Meda had trouble fathoming such a thing among their kind.

"Well for one, we had our territory in the middle of a particularly bad side of the city."

"Southeastern side, by the river?"

"Correct."

"Ah, yes, I’ve heard of all the particularly violent gangs that liked to congregate there. No shortage of meals for vakar, but the danger…."

"Was extreme," Etanus finished. "For that reason, knowing how to defend ourselves was a high priority in the sect…to the point where if we wanted to advance in tier we had to fight for it to _earn_ it."

"Spirits...please tell me powers weren’t allowed…."

"Unfortunately, our elder believed it was best if we knew how to fight against each other with our powers." With a sigh he added. "He particularly liked matching us against someone with powers that were a counter to our own and not just to a standstill either: we had to actually _defeat_ them. Needless to say, I kept getting put up against an ice conjuror: took me three tries to beat him and I only managed it at last when I found out I could control the water in people’s _bodies_."

That understandably sent a chill up her spine: such an ability was extremely dangerous. She made a mental note to remember that should things ever come to blow between them. "I never realized you could go to that extent, Mizarcus," she said. "The vakar you used it against…"

"You haven’t seen it because I haven’t felt the need to do it again since," Etanus replied. "As for the poor sap I used it on, he lived, though he was in pain for the rest of the night. Still, the fight was considered a draw, as the fight cost me what was left of my energy that night."

"But with what you said before…that should have not resulted in a promotion."

"It would not have, if the other tier twos hadn’t _insisted_ on the elder promoting me anyway: they didn’t want to go up against someone with an ability like that."

"I don’t blame them." _I wouldn’t either,_ Meda thought to herself. With what she was learning so far, it certainly explains his more aggressive attitude in regards to being promoted. "It must have surprised you then, when I promoted you without requiring a fight."

"Not really, as by then I had adapted to this sects traditions."

" _Mostly_ ," she pointed out.

"Eh…alright, you got me there," he muttered, his tone slightly sheepish. "I still yearn to test myself against another vakar from time to time with my powers."

"Understandable, considering your _upbringing_ ," Meda said with a nod. "When you asked to join us, you stated that your sect was destroyed. What happened?"

"The short and sweet version is that we learned the hard way to never bring your meals ‘home’."

"Yes…that is usually never a good idea, especially if you don’t intend to kill the target."

"We did, though the ice conqueror I told you about before had a habit of freezing his _leftovers_ to finish off later. Thing was, the man had a tracker on him."

"So it was a planned assault…your sect must have really riled up the gang responsible."

"We knew they wanted us gone: who wouldn’t want to stop the ones that kept _eating_ their membership? However, our leadership didn’t think they could ever find us."

"Arrogance, a mentality we should all strive to avoid."

"Indeed."

"How did you survive?"

"While the gang was smart enough to attack during the day, they attacked too _late_ in the day. The moment I could sense my powers were available, I unleashed the damn _river_ upon them. However, by then, the rest of my sect was dead."

"I’m sorry."

"It has been centuries, now, Elder: there’s nothing to be sorry about anymore."

"I know, but still…for many of us, the sect is our family. A replacement for the one we left behind when we became vakar. If I had lost my sect, I don’t know if I would be able to continue on."

"Humm…if this sect is your family, than I must be your problem child," Etanus said with a smirk.

Meda giggled at that. "More like headstrong younger brother."

"Headstrong? Hmm." Etanus made a show of thinking about it. "I’ll take that. Now." His tone turned a mix of curious and serious. "It’s your turn Elder."

"Alright, fair enough." She crossed her hands low in front of herself in a relaxed pose. "What about me are you curious about?"

Etanus took a moment to respond, as if he wasn’t sure how to phrase it. "You mentioned during Meinus eulogy that she helped ensure you got through a crisis once, one that you might not have recovered from otherwise. What happened?"

She felt the muscles in her shoulders tense, as that particular part of her history was not something she liked thinking about, let alone telling anyone. A part of her was still suspicious of his motives as well and it left her wondering if he was probing for possible weaknesses he could exploit. However, she realized that telling him could prove to be to her benefit, as it would warn him to not push her too far. "What you ask…is something only two other’s know the full story behind," she said, a faint tone of warning in her voice. "Both of whom are now dead."

It was clear she had Etanus’ full attention, his expression a mix of curiosity and uncertainty. "Must have been something very serious then," he said.

"It was. Tell me, Mizarcus: have you ever heard of a _runovus_ killing a Master?"

The other vakar was so shocked that he took a step back. "N-no, Elder…it’s _unheard_ of. If such a thing really happened, the Master must have been a real idiot or the _runovus_ used rather dirty tactics."

"Yes, it really did happen, Mizarcus…," she said with sigh. "And your comment about the Master’s intelligence is closer to the mark: he honestly thought his actions would help me."

"Wait…you…."

"Yes, Mizarcus." She gave him a look of such seriousness she thought she saw the shiver go down his spine. "I was the _runovus_."

"H-how…W-why?"

"Because he killed an innocent…an innocent that happened to be someone very dear to me at that time. I killed him out of rage and grief…heh…to be honest, I don’t really remember the deed itself, until I snapped out of it and found myself covered in blood…and saw that bastard’s throat ripped out."

She watched as Etanus rubbed his own throat for a moment before he asked. "Why did he kill an innocent? What was his ‘crime’?"

"He fell in love with me…and I with him." She still felt the faint pang of that loss, even after so many centuries. "Meinis knew about the relationship, tried to convince me that to pursue it would only lead to pain, but I was…naïve and ignorant then. Love can be blinding, after all. A lesson, it seems…." She glanced over at Dakarus. "I have yet to fully learn."

Etanus didn’t make any comment on that, his face rather unreadable at this point, so she continued. "Yet, I knew the others wouldn’t approve, so aside from Meinis, no one knew. Heh…managed to keep it that way for almost five years, but then _he_ managed to find out." Meda paused to sigh, looking at ground a moment before continuing. "Instead of confronting _me_ about it, he confronted my lover. From what I already told you, you know how that ended."

"And you never considered offering to have your lover turned to prevent this?"

"Oh, I considered it, but then I learned that he likely would not have survived the process to begin with due to a blood disorder he had."

"Oh…yeah, that’s a disqualifier right there. So you were willing to risk the pain of watching him grow old and die…."

"Pretty much, yes."

"So…what happened after?"

"I fled…," Meda said, her tone full of shame. "Fled out of fear, shame, shock…grief…I pretty much was going through it all then. I was…AWOL for days before one of the sect found me…Meinis. She was the first I told what happened and she managed to convince me to go back and face the Elder."

"I imagine the Elder was not too pleased at what happened."

"He as more worried than anything else at first, as all he knew was that two of his sect hadn’t returned home in days."

"So that Master didn’t even tell the Elder what he was going to do? He was a poor Master."

"He had been only recently promoted."

"Oh…great…the ‘new to the title’ power trip thing was likely a factor then." Etanus was shaking his head with disbelief. "So…what happened with the Elder when you told him?"

"I couldn’t tell him…due to fear. He had to learn what happened from my blood. Needless to say, he was rather shocked and couldn’t make a judgment right away. I spent the rest of that night and the following day with Meinis, crying for my lost love and fear for my own life for what I had done. It wasn’t until the next night that the Elder made a decision."

"Which was?"

"He decided I had suffered enough due to the emotional distress I was in," Meda said. "So he gave me no punishment. As for the Master…he conceded that he erred in promoting him too soon, as it was clear he wasn’t ready for the position. The purposeful killing of an innocent, such as my lover was, was unforgiveable, so he decreed that his name be stricken from memory."

"A judgment I agree with in that regard."

"Still…despite sparing me from punishment, it took me weeks to get back to normal. Meinis was my pillar of strength during that time: if it hadn’t been for her, I…I’m not sure I would have recovered. Though I put up a strong front for the others, her death has left a hole inside me I don’t know will ever heal."

Meda looked down at the ground for a moment and sighed, reflecting on the times she and Nopha had. Though she was ‘older’ than her, Meda always considered Nopha something of an ‘older sister’. In a way, she wished it was Nopha that had become Elder and not her, but the rules of secession for their sect disagreed.

When she looked back up, she noticed Etanus had an odd look of conflict on his face. "Is something wrong, Mizarcus?" she asked.

Etanus seemed uncertain on whether to answer or not. "Elder…I….," he started. A faint moan interrupted him. Both vakar looked toward the bed in both shock and relief.

Dakarus was waking up.


	7. Chapter 7

Meda immediately went over to the bed, her heart racing. Whatever Etanus was about to say wasn’t important to her anymore, as her focus was solely on Dakarus. "Dakarus?" she said, gripping his hand. "Can you hear me?"

Dakarus moaned again before his eyes weakly opened. He blinked a couple of times before focusing on her and smiled. "I…I hear you, Elder," he said weakly.

"Thank the spirits…," Meda said, feeling immense relief. "We nearly lost you."

"H-how long was I…out?"

"About twelve hours. How do you feel?"

"Tired…weak…thirsty."

Meda looked back at Etanus. The other vakar nodded and left the room, knowing instantly what was needed before she had to ask. While she waited for Etanus to return with the water, she felt Dakarus’ forehead: the fever was gone, which meant he should only improve from here on out. "Looks like you are going to make it, Dakarus…the fever is gone."

"Thank goodness," Dakarus seemed equally relieved. By then, Etanus had returned with the water pitcher and a glass. Dakarus, after Meda helped him sit up, drank some water eagerly before speaking again. "So…does that mean I’m a vakar now?"

"We won’t know until we test you in another day and a half, Dakarus," Meda replied. "But it is all downhill from here."

"Test? Haven’t I been tested enough?" Dakarus had a look of horror on his face. "What kind of test?"

"We can’t tell you, as that may influence you to react to the test in a less than honest way," Etanus replied.

"Not allowed to study for it then…damn."

"It’s an easy one, I assure you," Meda said.

"I’ll have to take your word for it."

"Elder, since we know he will be alright, I think it’s best if you take the opportunity to go hunt before it gets much later," Etanus suggested. "I can watch over him while you are away."

Meda was about to refuse, but then her stomach rumbled loudly in agreement, prompting a chuckle from both men. "Oh, alright," she said. "Hopefully I can find a bite before sunrise."

"Good luck on your hunt, Elder."

Meda nodded in thanks and went to her mirror. Usually she walked to the city like the rest, but seeing the night was half gone already, she opted to save time by using her mirror. She found a place to travel to quickly and stepped through, emerging into a mirror shop she often used as a travel point. To her surprise, she heard voices.

 _No one should be here at this time of night,_ she thought, staying low as she moved toward the source. _Am I about to break a record in regards to hunting time?_

In the back office she saw two individuals, one was a male salarian, while the other was a male turian. The salarian was trying to hack into a safe, while the turian was watching, looking rather impatient.

"Hurry up, will you?" the turian was saying. "You should be done by now."

The salarian retorted something in his native language: Meda couldn’t understand it as she didn’t have a translator, but his tone seemed to convey annoyance.

"’Too complex’ for your device!?" the turian growled. "You’re a goddamn _salarian_ : how can anything be too complex for you big brained frog faces?" The salarian, rather calmly as far as she could tell, started to retort, but the turian cut him off. "I don’t _care_ what your official species classification is! All I want is this damn safe open so I can get the money my former employer stiffed me on when she fired me!"

 _Ah, good old disgruntled former employees,_ Meda thought as she edged closer. Both their backs were too her, so she stood up straight and leaned against the door threshold and watched them a moment. She had to wait for them to actually open the safe, to cement the crime and thus justify her attack. Fortunately she didn’t have to wait too long.

With a click the safe opened and the turian practically shoved the salarian out of the way to get at the spoils. "Yes! At last, the money I am owed!" the turian said as he started putting the credit chips in a bag. "This will teach you to fire me, bitch!"

"You know, hun," Meda said, revealing herself. "If you are willing to do things like this, you were probably fired for a good reason."

Both the turian and the salarian jumped in shock, whirling around to see her. The salarian said something, probably along the lines of ‘how’d she get in here?’ to which the turian responded. "Who cares!? Kill her!"

Meda smiled and easily closed the short gap between her and the pair. She only wanted the turian, as the blood of the salarian may as well be poison to her, but the salarian would no doubt interfere with her feed if she left him be. So with that in mind, she shot a kick right at the salarian’s face, hitting him square in the jaw: he dropped like a rock, nearly hitting his head on the door of the safe. A good thing he didn’t, as killing him was not her intention.

The turian attempted to stab her with an omni-blade, which she quickly twisted out of reach. She hated omni-blades, as she couldn’t disarm them like a normal weapon, so she _disabled_ it by grabbing hold of the arm with it and not letting go. At least until she managed to land a solid head butt on the man, sending him to dream land.

The brief scuffle must have disturbed something that was linked to the security system, as the alarm was now going off. Cursing and knowing she won’t have much time, she quickly exposed the turian’s neck and bit down, drinking as fast as she could. She caught some memories of the man, though she didn’t focus much on them due to lack of time. Meda did comprehend some scenes of arguments between him and the owner about his work ethic, or lack thereof in this case. He was also apparently caught stealing from the register, which lead to his firing.

Having taken enough, released her grip and headed back into the store itself. Faintly she could hear the police sirens, though fortunately for her, she didn’t need to track down a suitable escape route this time. She just picked a mirror and walked though while focusing on home….

"Back already?" Etanus said when she emerged.

"Would you believe there was a robbery in progress at the store I came out in?" Meda said with a shrug. "Former employee wanted his ‘paycheck’."

"He chose the wrong time then," Etanus said with a chuckle.

"Indeed. Where’s Dakarus?" she asked when she saw that he wasn’t in her quarters anymore.

"I just got through helping him back into his room," Etanus said. "Since he is no longer in any danger, there’s no need for him to…share a room with you."

Meda nodded, agreeing with his logic in this case. "So, why are _you_ still in here?" she asked, folding her arms.

"Ah…well, I was just doing a sweep to make sure everything was in order for you," Etanus said, blushing slightly. "Considering the chaos of the last few hours or so…."

"I am capable of keeping my own quarters clean, Mizarcus," Meda said with a snicker. "But I appreciate the sentiment."

"Right…I’ll take my leave then."

After he left, Meda lay down on her bed and sighed. For the first time in almost a week, she felt she could truly _relax_.

Day 7

The rest of the night went by with no incident. It was the same with the following day, Meda sleeping soundly throughout the whole day. When she got up that night, she was filled with anxiety and anticipation: tonight they will find out of Dakarus had succeeded in turning into a vakar. She hoped he made it, as she feared what he may do if he didn’t: it wasn’t uncommon for a turian that failed to turn to take their own lives.

"Greetings, Elder," Etanus said when she left her quarters. "How are you feeling?"

"Anxious," Meda replied simply.

"A feeling, I think, most of us share right now." Etanus nodded toward the rest of the room, where most of the rest of the sect where lingering. In normal nights she would scold them for not going out on their hunts, but this wasn’t a normal night: all of them will want to congratulate, or comfort Dakarus when the test is performed. Speaking of which….

"Are the items ready?" Meda asked.

"Master Shintus went out to fetch them a half hour ago," Etanus replied. "He should be back any minute now."

"Oh shit…I hope he doesn’t bring _iagus_ ," Meda muttered, suddenly remembering a critical detail.

"Hmm? Why not?"

"It triggers bad memories in Dakarus and may disrupt the validly of the test."

"Oh…well, we don’t make a habit of using high grade meat in these things, so I think we should be fine."

He had point. So while they waited for Tusmu to return, Meda checked on Dakarus himself. He looked a bit stronger now, though was still understandably weak and a bit thin due to the weeklong fast he had to go through. Regardless of the result of the test, his fasting days will soon be over. "How are you feeling?" she asked him.

"Anxious, nervous…and hungry as hell," Dakarus replied. "When will I be allowed to eat something again?"

"Very soon, Dakarus," she said with a smile.

He grunted something, then was quiet for a moment before saying. "Elder, Master Mizarcus told me while you were gone that you both thought I was dead at one point."

"That is true," Meda admitted. "We couldn’t detect any vitals without the aid of technology."

"I’m surprised you didn’t take me to the hospital…."

"I almost did, but then I was reminded that to do so would ruin your one chance to become a vakar…and go against your choice."

He was silent again, then, in soft voice. "I saw her…Elder. My sister. She told me…it wasn’t my time yet. Spirits….." He choked up a bit before continuing. "She didn’t appear to me as the child she died as, but as the adult woman she would have become…she would have been beautiful in life."

"I’m sure she would have been," Meda said comfortingly. "And now, at least, you know for certain she is watching over you." She rubbed his back as he nodded in agreement.

Just then, Etanus poked his head in. "Elder, Master Shintus has returned: we are ready."

"Thank you, Master Mizarcus." Meda turned to Dakarus. "Are you ready?"

Dakarus took a deep breath and sighed. "As can be, considering you won’t tell me what this test is," he said as he stood up, though Meda had to help him a little. "Best to get this over with."

She led him out into the gathering room, where all the other vakar had lined themselves up against the walls and behind two small tables. On each of these tables was a bowl, both covered with a domed lid. Dakarus stood there a moment, looking at bowls with confusion and then looked up at her. She took that as her cue.

"As I told you last night, Dakarus," she said walking over to the space between the two tables. "You have one last test to take and it’s a simple one. All you have to do is…." She turned around and with a flourish she lifted the lids off both bowls at the same time. "Chose one." One bowl had an assortment of fruits and simple deli meats, which would be very attractive to any normal turian that was starving. The other bowl, was full to the brim with blood, animal blood to be exact: it was one of the few times animal blood is considered _acceptable_.

Dakarus looked like he had a moment of indecisiveness, but then he practically dived for the bowl of blood. There was a loud cheer as he started to devour the blood and Meda felt her mandibles open in a big smile. She waited for him to finish before speaking. "Congratulations, Dakarus," she said. "You are a vakar."

"Wait…this _was_ the test?" Dakarus said, wiping the blood off his face with his arm. "And you couldn’t tell me?"

Meda chuckled lightly. "If I had told you, you may have set your mind to only look for the blood, regardless if you had turned or not," she explained. "No, the purpose of this was to test your _instincts_ when hungry. A vakar will instinctively go for blood, while a turian would not."

"I understand now, Elder."

She smiled at him, then her face turned serious. "You are vakar now and the man you were before this day is no more and never will be again. You have taken many steps to _disappear_ from your old life, but there is one more that is highly _recommended_ that you can take: choosing a new name. It can be a completely new name, or simply a modification of your current one. It is up to you."

Dakarus lowered his head a moment in thought, though he didn’t ponder very long before speaking again. "My sister…always referred to me by a shorted version of my name," he said softly. "And I chose this path to help ensure no other’s suffered her fate. Therefore, in her memory and honor, I wish to be called ‘Dakar’ from this point on."

At that Meda raised her arms and looked around the room. "Then let it be known that from this point forward, that the turian Dakarus Kroisun is no more and now…." She gestured toward him. "The vakar Dakar stands before you." There was a brief chorus of welcomes and greetings from the other vakar. Once it died down, she continued with the most important part. "One last thing before you can properly join your new family, Dakar, and your _real_ training begins."

Dakar seemed to know what was coming, as he quickly got on one hand and knee, his gaze to the floor.

"Do you, Dakar, swear to uphold our values and traditions?"

"I swear to uphold our values and traditions," Dakar responded.

"To take heed to the wisdom and knowledge of your elders?"

"I swear to heed the wisdom and knowledge of my elders."

"Ensure that only the criminal minded feel the bite of your fangs?"

"I will ensure only the criminal minded will feel my fangs."

"That you will only take the life of those that are unredeemable?"

"I will only take the life of the unredeemable."

"To protect, to the best of your ability, the innocents they target?"

"I will protect the innocent to the best of my ability."

"And, lastly, swear to keep our sanctuary a secret and to never betray your sect?"

"I swear to keep our sanctuary a secret and to never betray my sect."

"Well done, Dakar. You may rise." After he had done so, she said. "Welcome to the sect, Dakar. Welcome home."

***

Dakar would prove to be a fast learner. He took the ‘teething’ phase when he grew in his first pair of fangs very well and he showed to have a lot of will power when it came to controlling his hunger. As a result, his _ravenous_ phase lasted a bit shorter than the average of two years, though Meda still had him stay with an escort on hunts for the full two years to be on the safe side. Dakar didn’t seem to mind.

Things got to be a little trickier when his powers started to manifest after he reached the ten year mark, as it quickly became apparent that at least one of his powers would be rather _unique_. It’s not very often a vakar manifests an ability that can conquer something like shadowfire, which sounded like it was straight out of fantasy, so teaching him how to control it was a bit of a group effort. His other power though, Meda could handle teaching herself, as shadowwalking was very similar to her own mirrorwalking. Due to the nature of the skill though, Dakar did have some funny mishaps while learning how to use it: he quickly learned to keep in mind the orientation of the shadow he was emerging from after a few face plants. Due to the uniqueness and high energy cost of his shadowfire, however, Dakar took a bit longer than average to reach tier two. When he finally did, he took the code name _Kagnis_ , which Meda felt was rather appropriate.

She did eventually promote Etanus to Lord, around the same time as Dakar started to manifest his powers. It was also about that time he stopped debating with her so much and there was rare sort of unity between them. Meda felt she had a good Lord be her side once more. However, it was not to last.

As time went on, it became apparent that Etanus felt that the position of Lord was no longer enough. Once more, the debates and arguments started, along with the small challenges to her authority and the little occasional tests for weakness. Meda stood firm through it all, proving to him that she would not go down so easily and that she had the trust and support of the sect.

Or so she thought.

It would turn out he had been gradually winning other vakar to his side, covertly, slowly, over the decades. Yet, instead of challenging her for the position of Elder, he simply opted to leave with his followers during the summer of 2167. When she asked why, Etanus stated that while they disagreed on too many things to stay, he had also learned to respect her for who she was and had decided not to rob her completely of her sect. He also mentioned that the sect’s current location wouldn’t be suitable for what he planned to do. Considering his desire to modernize the sect, she had to agree: a marble quarry would not provide very good reception. Though his actions still hurt her greatly, she wished him luck.

Despite her well wishes, Etanus’ sect would fall upon misfortune. Not long after they had set themselves up, they were attacked by _hastatim_ , having been mistaken as a terrorist group after their communications were intercepted. Etanus lost a third of his sect in the attack and, from what Meda saw, he was struggling to keep the rest together and loyal to him. After losing more members over the years, his sect fell apart, some members returning to Meda, one of whom was Master Tusmu Shintus: that caused a bit of confusion at first, as by then, Dakar was a Master. Fortunately, Tusmu was content to remain a Master for the time being, as Meda’s sect was still too small to justify a Lord.

As for Etanus himself, Meda offered him a chance to return himself several times, but Etanus refused each time. Meda felt it was due to pride, perhaps even shame. She hoped, with time, he would come to his senses, as by then he was pretty much alone: no vakar does well when alone for long period of time. Either way, things were looking up again for her sect.

Like all good things, however, it was not to last forever.


	8. Epilogue

_2187 CE, Second battle for Digeris_

The Reapers were back.

Meda had hoped the fleet protecting the planet had giving the Reapers enough of a thrashing to make them think twice of coming back. Hell, every turian on Digeris was hoping that, no doubt. But they did come back and in greater numbers and this time, they managed to land. It was then their _food_ shortage began.

Never before had she been in such a situation in her long life, where all turian’s were united against a common enemy. Even groups that were against the Hierarchy like the _Tyranors_ had put aside their revolution for the greater good, thus effectively removing themselves as an eligible food source. There were still some turians that were completely without honor and trying to take advantage, but they were very few and far between. The only advantage they had was that their sect was still relatively small, but that was of little comfort.

"Elder." Meda turned to see now Master Dakar Kagnis, mentally smiling at how far he had come since she turned him over three centuries ago. "I spotted more resistance scouts probing the quarry: from their conversation, I believe they intend to make it a refugee camp for the wounded, perhaps even a staging area for fighting back."

Meda nodded in acknowledgement. She knew it was only a matter of time before the resistance would want to use this place: it was big enough to house much of their equipment and more of their fighters. However, they will need access to a water source and the easiest access point to that was in their Sanctuary. While their entrance to the Sanctuary was disguised, if the resistance still had access to the original maps, they would find it and the vakar within.

 _How should we react? How would ‘they’ react?_ she thought. _Most turian’s these days don’t know about us, they don’t know or understand our purpose. They will think we only see them as food and want to eliminate us. I need to ensure my people are safe._

"So what should we do if they find us Elder?" Dakar was asking. "It will only be a matter of time at this rate."

"I’m not sure," she replied honestly. "A part of me wants to welcome them and help the best we can considering the situation. On the other…I fear they may see us as the enemy."

"How? We are obviously not like those synthetic monstrosities the Reapers send against us."

How, was a good question. Vakar had been around long before the Reapers were confirmed to actually exist. _But…how long have the Reapers existed?_ she found herself thinking. _Millennia. It could easily be believed that we were  planted here by them the last time they came. No, nothing good can come of the resistance finding out about us._

"No, we chase them away," she said. "They will destroy us, see us as agents of the Reapers. We need to protect ourselves from them."

Dakar blinked at her, an expression of shock on his face. "Elder? What are you saying?" he said when he recovered. "This is not the time to be divided from the ones we came from! Everyone needs to stand against the Reapers. Isn’t our purpose is to protect turian society? There won’t be a society left to protect if the Reapers _win_!"

His retort surprised her, leaving her speechless for a moment. _What was I thinking?_ she thought, rubbing her head. _He’s right. This is not the time to be divided from anyone._

"You’re right," she said. "I…I don’t know what came over me."

"You have been under a lot of stress lately since the Reapers arrived, Elder."

Yes, that was true. They all have been trouble getting a meal too, which couldn’t be good for both their physical and mental health. _If we let them use the quarry and the water,_ she thought. _We’ll not only be better able to protect them ourselves, but they’ll have to bring food supplies to feed themselves. Perhaps in return for using our territory, they could give us the blood we badly need in return._

"After thinking it over again, more clearly this time," she said. "Let’s inviting them into the quarry with the promise of helping to protect the place. They will need access to the water canals and we will need whatever blood they can spare."

"Sounds reasonable, though I doubt they’ll loan us much turian blood since they’ll need that for their wounded."

"So long as it’s dextro, I don’t care at this point," Meda said. "Can you make the offer?"

"The scouts have already left, but I’m sure I can find them again."

After Dakar left, Meda leaned against the wall of her quarters and sighed worriedly. She realized that what she said earlier, regarding chasing the military away, was _not_ her in the slightest. _Is it really stress?_ she thought, rubbing her head. _Or something else? No, it’s stress…has to be…._

_A few weeks later…._

Things were not going well.

While the military agreed to their terms and had settled in nicely in the quarry, they started to have difficulty keeping up with their end of the bargain as the war dragged on. The Reapers were very good at cutting off supply lines, leaving everyone, vakar and non-vakar alike, in dire straits for days at a time. Her vakar helped where they could in keeping the lines open, but they were not only few in number but their greatest asset, their powers, only worked at night, and then only if they had enough energy.

On top of that, something strange was happening to her vakar. Slowly, some of them started to become more aggressive toward their non-turian counter parts, Meda herself catching herself snarling at them from time to time. So far, only her eldest, Dakar and the youngest, Thyler, seemed to not fall into this behavior.

Then her other Master, Tismu, seemed to snap and attacked a young turian that was coming for water. When Dakar tried to stop him, Tismu attacked him as well. Meda could only watch helplessly as Dakar had no choice but to kill him.

"What just happened, Elder?" he asked, shaking due to shock at what he just had to do. "Master Shintus…."

"I…I don’t know," Meda replied. _We are falling apart. Why?_ she thought. _This shouldn’t be happening…every vakar here is responsible and loyal to the purpose. Things have been going downhill since we let the resistance in. They haven’t been able to hold up their side of the bargain and we are starting to starve here. It’s all their fault! Why did we agree to rely on them for food? They are food!_

Her eyes widened in shock at what she just thought. She staggered back, one hand to her head. _What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking like this?_

"Elder?" She heard Dakar ask. "Are you alright?"

"No…no I am not," she admitted. "And I don’t know why…."

_A few days later…_

They had to put down more vakar in the following days. Two will slain by the resistance and a third was put down by the vakar themselves. Needless to say, the resistance was starting to question the vakar’s motives and Meda couldn’t blame them. She, herself was struggling to understand what was going on, why she was thinking the way she was. If she didn’t figure it out soon, the resistance will surely finish them off to protect themselves.

"Elder," Dakar said coming into her quarters, sorrow in his voice. "We lost another."

She wanted to ask which one, but did it really matter anymore? They were falling one by one, each having gone insane for reasons she didn’t understand. "I see," she said simply. "I wonder if the other sects our suffering similar fates."

"I fear they are, Elder," Dakar admitted with a sigh. "The Reapers…they are relentless. Those they do not kill outright, they kidnap and turn them into those synthetic mockeries of what they once were. I’ve heard they also can steal people’s minds without touching them as well."

Meda stood up straight, his last sentence striking a cord. "’Steal people’s minds?’" she echoed.

"Yes…I think I heard it referred to as _indoctrination_."

 _That’s it…,_ she thought. _That’s what has been happening to me. No, that is foolishness. No it’s not! It makes sense…but that means…._ A moment of dread passed through her. It meant the Reapers have been slowly trying to alter her mind this whole time. Trying to turn her against those she sworn to protect. She couldn’t trust her own mind anymore, which meant she was no longer fit to lead.

"Dakar…," she asked. "Have you been having any thoughts that are not the norm for you?"

The younger vakar thought a moment. "No, not as far as I can tell anyway," he replied.

"Good." She was relieved, yet her heart was heavy for what she wanted him to do. "Unfortunately, I cannot say the same."

"Elder?"

"You saw the last few weeks, how I have not been acting like myself. I can’t trust myself anymore," she said. "Thus, I am not fit to lead."

He seemed to catch on quickly, like the smart vakar he was. "No, Elder! You can’t possibly mean…."

"The Reapers…they are trying to control me, Dakar…I understand that now. You can’t let them have me!"

"I…I can’t…." Dakar looked panicked, stepping away from her, but she stepped forward and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"You must!" she said, her voice pleading. "If they fully take me, with my powers, the Reapers will be able to spy on the resistance without them realizing it! The resistance would know to look for a person, drones, or cameras…but not _mirrors_."

Meda suddenly doubled over, her hands on her head as she felt what had to be an attempt to control her directly rather than through subliminal messages. They _wanted_ her badly, as they knew she would be very useful to them. She understood now: the other’s they made go insane because they were a _threat_ to them. Dakar, for some reason, wasn’t seen as a threat, and so he was left alone. For how long, she didn’t know.

"Elder!" Dakar cried, grabbing hold of her. "Elder, you must fight them!"

"I’m trying…," she gasped, "They are so strong…I will not last…."

"Yes you will, you _must_!"

She focused on what a vakar’s duty and purpose was, but the Reapers were apparently already twisting it for their own purpose. So, she focused on something else, something she had long buried: her love for Dakar. With that, she was finally able to force them out of her mind, but she knew it wouldn’t be for long. "They are gone…," she said. "But not for long. Before they try again…you…you need to…." Her breath shuddered a moment before finishing. "Kill me."

Dakar was quiet, Meda resisting the urge to look at him, as it would just make it harder on both them. She could imagine, however, the pain on his face. "I…I don’t want to…I _can’t_ ," he said.

"Remember your duty, Dakar Kagnis," she reminded him. "Vakar that become a threat to turian society as a whole must be put down. If… _when_ the Reapers take me, I _will_ be a threat. You _need_ to do it, _now_ , before that comes to pass."

Dakar was starting to shake his head, but then he sighed with grim resignation. She trembled as he exposed her neck and then hesitated. Perhaps he hesitated to take in her scent, the scent that helped him through so much in his life, including the turning process, a scent that he will never smell again after this, but she couldn’t know for certain. Once he finally had his fangs pierce, she focused on what untainted thoughts and memories she had left.

 _I’m sorry,_ she thought, as she felt her life start to slip away. _I’m sorry you had to do this, but I’d rather it be you than anything else. I’ve always loved you…deep in my heart. And I wish and hope…with all my heart and soul…that you have the strength to carry on…without me. I pray…you make it through…this war…._

_My only regret…._

_…is that I…._

_…could not…._

_…do more…._

_…for…._

_…you…._

As any mother would, whether by blood or otherwise.

~Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No happy ending here. Sorry!
> 
> I wanted to use a different font to show the Reaper 'influence' but since we can't change fonts mid-chap on this site I had to use subserf.


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